Hump, Marry, Kill: I Kinda Want To Single White Female Rachel Bilson

Hump: I seriously have no idea what’s going on in terms of plot, why Bart Bass isn’t dead, what went so wrong in Barry Watson’s career that he felt the need to take a job on what is mercifully the last season, or where my dignity went because I’m actually still watching. But holy hell, did you guys see Penn Badgley on the season premiere of Gossip Girl?** He finally ditched that awful, wavy-Jesus “hairstyle” from last season in favor of an indie British bandmember ‘do that’s buzzed on the side, party in the front, and all about making those chiseled cheekbones of his work. If only Dan Humphrey would devote his life to something other than writing a tell-all book about six people who think they’re the center of the universe but, in reality, are just entitled college dropouts, he might get upgraded to “Marry” status.
**Probably not because I imagine the rest of the world has much better things to do and stopped watching GG after the first season.
Marry: I’m going to resist every urge possible to get up on my soapbox and be one of those people who’s always like, “OMG, you have to watch Friday Night Lights. It’s seriously the best show ever. Coach Taylor and Tami have the most realistic marriage on modern television, and have you seen Tim Riggins? Texas forever. Clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose.”
Nope, I shall not travel down that road today. I’m just here to talk about how Connie Britton rocks in every way possible, and I’m so glad she’s back on TV in Nashville. Her grounding presence makes even Hayden Panettiere somewhat tolerable. Can someone please hand this woman an Emmy already? And if you’re going to the Emmy store, can you also pick one up for Amy Poehler? Cheers.
Kill: In the interest of full disclosure, this is 100% a Single White Female thing. How do I get Rachel Bilson’s life? On her big television debut, she got to date the most adorable comic-book geek of all time (that would be Adam Brody’s Seth on The O.C.), and they dated in real life. Now, Bilson stars as Zoe Hart on Hart of Dixie, where she’s currently caught in a love triangle with Scott Porter (a.k.a. Jason Street from Friday Night Lights) and the cutest member of The CW’s endless supply of blond-haired, twinkly-blue-eyed men since Chad Michael Murray first rolled into Stars Hollow on Gilmore Girls. Oh, the things I would do if I were little Miss Bilson. Just take a sec to Google Image Wilson Bethel, the guy Zoe is currently sexing on the show. I’ll wait.
Back? Great, I assume we’re on the same page here regarding the Bilson-life takeover.

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