The Most Bizarre Gift You Could Give Today

It’s rare that an email makes me laugh out loud, but the person who wrote the pitch for the Ninja Gnome must be a comedian. What is this product, exactly? A small, plastic ninja figurine that "gives your garden a ninja feeling." (Question: What’s a ninja feeling? Does anyone look at their garden and say, Hmmmm, I don't know what's missing. It's definitely something. Maybe some ninjas?) The Ninja Gnome comes equipped with eyeballs that light up so as to "strike fear into people’s hearts [and] keep your patio and garden safe from garden pests, like slugs, squirrels, and burglars with ruthless feudal Japanese efficiency." Well, maybe they're onto something with the slugs, but it gets better from there: "Blinding security lights, half a dozen CCTV cameras, and illegally-sourced land mines…[are] all surplus when your garden contains The Ninja Gnome." To round it all out, at the end of the email there's this disclaimer: "Please Note: Doesn't actually kill animals, humans or insects." I kind of fear for humanity if anyone's takeaway from this product description is that it is, in fact, possible to purchase a small, lethal ninja garden gnome (if it were, we'd already have one, duh).  Apart from the silliness of the pitch, we have to admit that the Ninja Gnome is kinda cute. Maybe it could be a fun novelty gift for a birthday or housewarming? On a separate note, now I'm wondering if the ninja's glowing eyeballs would actually cause it to attract bugs rather than repel them. But, let's not overthink it.  The Ninja Gnome is made by Firebox, and costs $29.79 (or $80.22 if you want it shipped to the U.S.).