Record scratch. Freeze frame. You're probably wondering how we got here — into this perennial hell of fall clichés, which kicks off every August and lasts well into November and will probably continue ad infinitum until we all die of whatever cancer comes free with every cup of "pumpkin spice sauce" from concentrate. And with it all comes the conceit of fall fragrances — warm, sweet scents to coddle you through the cooling temps.
But what if wool makes you itchy and real cashmere is too rich for your blood, and you'd rather get your apples from Whole Foods instead of trekking upstate for a bushel that'll go bad long before you can stuff them all into pies, and you still haven't overcome the trauma from the time you sliced straight through the tip of your index finger carving pumpkins in the fifth grade? What if... you don't want to smell like the olfactory equivalent of a sweater?
Ahead, seven unexpected fall fragrances for the person who dreams of a life free of mass hysteria relating to seasonal Starbucks beverages, of a consistent temperature year-round, of smelling like slutty cotton candy, or Coca-Cola — or even the end of the world.