Forget Gucci, forget Supreme – the hottest name in fashion for everyone taking the Amtrak Northeast Regional home for the holidays is Dunkin’. Last Friday, Dunkin’ – a brand that’s never met a gerund it didn’t immediately chop the g off of – released a line of exclusive holiday merch to cover all your wrappin’, loungin’, and stylin’ needs. As a native Southern New Englander and life-long Dunkin’ aficionado, I can tell you, I gasped.
Sadly, the Dunkin’ Loungin’ Holiday Joggers were immediately (and rudely) sold out. The Dunkin’ Ugly Sweaterin’ Holiday Crewneck followed soon after, as did the Dunkin’ Jammin’ Electric Guitar. I’ll be honest: the pickin’s at this point are slim and pretty much limited to Dunkin’ Wrappin’ paper (peppermint-scented or regular).
Upon learning about this exciting new drop, I immediately reached out for comment to the two biggest Dunkin’ fans I know: writer, director, and iced coffee drinker Ben Affleck, and comedian and writer Josh Gondleman. As of press time I have not heard back from Ben, but Josh provided the following statement:
“I would absolutely wear the sweatpants outside, but they're sold out! And I am legitimately considering buying the one-piece for lounging at my apartment. I am always so reluctant to wear corporate branded merchandise (even more when it's not just the logo of the company that makes it), but I'm such a Dunkin' loyalist. I just hope at no point in the near future does it turn out that every location participates in human trafficking or something, because I'll have a lot of photos with branded iced coffee cups to apologize for.”
I did a little poking around the internet for some counterfeit Dunkin’ Loungin’ Holiday Joggers but it looks like I’m out of luck until some kind-hearted hypebeast lists a pair on Grailed. In the meantime, I did discover this “She Wants the DD” tumbler, which is so gross and perverted that I might have to buy it for my entire Rhode Island family, especially as Dunkin’ has announced it’s doing away with the hot cup.
And if none of those are your style, there's also the classic "Fuckin' Go Nuts!" tee that some of the frattier Phishheads of my youth were so fond of.