Though some people might argue that dating apps have made dating so much worse, you could also say that it's never been easier to find someone, talk to them, and potentially go on a date. Or, you know, talk to them, wait days for a response, and then find out that you've been ghosted. Either way, we can all probably agree that swiping through potential matches has become as mindless as brushing your teeth.
But when it feels like the "right" person might just be one swipe away, it's tempting to feel like you need to constantly swipe, message, and set up dates with people to get the relationship you want. Which, to be honest, is anxiety-inducing as hell.
However, Rachel Sussman, LCSW, a relationship expert based in New York City, says that you don't have to spend all of your time swiping and dating (unless you want to) in order to find someone.
"I don’t think it’s a good thing to constantly be doing anything," she says. "Think of the things you have to do, like sleeping or eating: They’re good for you, but not if you’re doing them all the time. Everything in moderation is key."
Think of the things you have to do, like sleeping or eating: They’re good for you, but not if you’re doing them all the time.
Rachel Sussman, LCSW
In other words, if you have dating app fatigue, it's okay to take a break — even if you feel like you're missing out. Of course, that's not to say that you shouldn't be swiping at all if a relationship is what you want.
"You have to find ways to make it not exhausting for yourself," Sussman says. "If you want a relationship, you have to still put in the work, just like how someone looking for a job still has to apply and go on interviews, even though it's exhausting."
That might be as easy as setting boundaries, like only going on Tinder every few days instead of every night, or, as Sussman suggests, being honest with the people you're talking to, and telling them that you can only be on the app every so often for the sake of your mental health (and giving them your number if you're super interested and don't want to miss out on talking to them).
And if you're sick of swiping but still want to meet someone, there are other ways to do that, too. Apps might make it easier for some of us to put ourselves out there, but Tinder, Bumble, and OkCupid aren't the be-all, end-all. Still, if you are on dating apps, it's easy to feel FOMO when there are literally millions of people across different dating apps and the options seem so limitless. But if you're more exhausted by your options than you are excited, take note of Sussman's advice and know that you have time to date and maintain your sanity.