To Slice Or Not To Slice? The Absolute Best Reactions To #Bagelgate

Photographed By Rockie Nolan.
When the world signed on to Twitter, March 25th was just another day. The morning was fresh with the promise of Spring, though slightly overcast. Headlines circulated about the Mueller report, the celebrity lineup at the latest Apple event, and maybe you saw warnings about an avocado recall. People went to work, talked shit with their co-workers, stalked exes online, and went home. Normal, wholesome things.
Then, at 8:43 p.m., Twitter user Alek Krautmann shared a picture that was sure to disrupt nightcaps across the nation. The photo in question did not depict any violence or nudity. It didn’t picture celebrities or illicit drugs or animal abuse – just bagels.
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Mutilated bagels. Needles to say Twitter was ablaze. The result was the online equivalent of people running down the streets in horror. You can even hear that fish from SpongeBob yelling: “My leg!” Our timelines were full of confusion, outrage, anger, and even grief.
Some thought bread-slicing bagels should be an offense punishable by law. Industry experts and bagel pundits discussed the gastronomical implications of bread-sliced bagels; there were arguments for and against bread-slicing bagels. While the arguments in favor aptly point out that bread-slicing allows for a more favorable bagel-to-schmere ratio, the general consensus on Twitter seems to be the following: Bagels deserve some respect!
What once started as an affront to bagels escalated to an internet-wide attack on the city of St. Louis. The city’s name was turned into a new adjective used to describe the most egregious food treatments Twitter could conjure.
Soon after, #SaintLouisStyle usurped #BagelGate as the absurd food Twitter hashtag du jour. #SaintLouisStyle is a now an emblem for food scams all over the world – from fast food dinners at the White House to the distressed shores of the island of Exuma during the Fyre Festival.
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