Behold: The Bachelor Unicorns — The Perfect Contestants Who Came & Went

The Bachelor is a pretty mundane land. Maybe even a little muggle-ish. Or like Pleasantville, except no one’s bothering to stage a revolution. The women have matching blowouts, and the bodies — taut, nervous, and muscular — are largely the same. Profession-wise, the women are models, Pilates instructors, real estate agents, and executive assistants. The men are personal trainers, real estate agents, former professional athletes. They all fit into a tidy Bachelor mold, which makes sense: ostensibly, they’re all different shades of one person’s preference.
Sometimes, there are unicorns. This year, John Graham appeared on The Bachelorette, wowing the audience with his ability to be both eligible and awkward. He was the fifth active hire at Venmo — these days he works at Fin, an AI-focused app — and he spends his free time teaching tech to the elderly. Fans adored him. Becca Kufrin, the Bachelorette, did not, sending him home in the fifth episode. Similarly, fans loved Joe the grocer (also known as Joe Amabile), a sincere-seeming Chicago native who left after the first episode. Both John and Joe — and Wills, who is still on the show — personify a kind of fleeting Bachelorette hero. They are the Bachelor unicorns. These people arrive on the show like aliens, looking somewhat bewildered by the format. You get the feeling some producer really lucked out getting them on the show. They visit for a time, casting glittery shadows about Bachelor-land. They rarely win; that would require keeping a wave upon the sand. After they leave, they are gone but not forgotten. Grasping at wine at the end of an episode, Bachelor viewers whisper, "Who was that guy? From episode 1? The one with the kind eyes?"
The wind whispers back:
"Emily, the epidemiologist."
Ahead, the Bachelor unicorns. Don't stare for too long.

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