Taylor Swift's reputation tour kicked off in early May. Here, her animatronic snake (just go with it) diaries about the experience.
Pip pip Cheerio, Taylor and I made it to London! I’m so bad at a British accent, but I can tell you that British snakes curl in the opposite direction over here — it’s sooooo weird. We’ve actually been across the pond for a minute, starting with her concert in Manchester just a few weeks ago. Then, we went to Croke Park in Dublin. (I didn’t diary in Croke Park! A snake gets tired, forgive me.) London is our last stop before we scootch back to the U.S. Next up: Louisville, Kentucky!
But, for now, we’re in London, sipping tea and hanging with the hoity-toity British crowds. London’s, like, England’s answer to Hollywood. It’s where a lot of famous people live, like Elton John and Claudia Schiffer. I, much like Liam Neeson’s character in Love Actually, love Claudia Schiffer.
It wasn’t Claudia who came to the concerts at Wembley Stadium, unfortunately, but the guests were still very exciting. First, there was Niall Horan. (!!) Then, there was Robbie Williams. (!!!!!!!) For the old snakes in the back, Niall Horan is a former member of One Direction. He’s kinda clean-cut looking, like a cater waiter who somehow found himself in the life of a pop star. And, if you must know, I think he’s my third-favorite One D member. Here’s my ranking of One Direction members:
5. Louis Tomlinson
4. Liam Payne
3. Niall Horan
2. Zayn Malik
1. Harry Styles
Everyone should agree with me. At the very least, you should agree with my #1 ranking, a bonafide ex-boyfriend who is the subject of at least two Taylor Swift songs. (“Style” and “Out of the Woods”) I will hiss if you don’t!
And then, for the young snakes (and possibly the American snakes) in the front, Robbie Williams is also a former boy band member. Williams is now a solo singer-songwriter, and he’s massively famous worldwide. Think of him as an up-and-coming Elton John. Or Paul McCartney. (Robbie Williams is only 44.)
Suffice to say, Taylor had a very impressive London crew.
Horan sang his single “Slow Hands” with some assistance from Taylor. That’s a song about moving your hands slowly over someone else’s body. (Young snakes in the front, close your ear holes! You don’t have hands but figure it out!) It’s kind of sexy and sultry, except for the part when Niall sings about “sweat dripping on dirty laundry. Seriously Niall, WTF?
During that same performance, Taylor sang “Fifteen,” the song in which she basically told the world that her IRL best friend Abigail lost her virginity. Feel free to dispute me on this, but these are the lyrics:
“Abigail gave everything she had
To a boy who changed his mind
And we both cried”
Granted, this could be metaphorical, and I’m just an animatronic snake. When I was fifteen (that’s in snake years), I gave it “all” to this handsome tractor named Adrian. Neither of us cried because we’re both machines.
At the second performance, Robbie Williams took the stage. He and Taylor sang his trademark song “Angels” together. “Angels,” for the uninitiated, is a song about Williams’ decision to love angels as a way of protection. (I think.) Williams emerged from the ‘90s boy band Take That in 1996 after some legal turmoil — boy bands always dissipate painfully, you know? He went on to become Britain’s best-selling artist. “Angels” is his popular recognizable single, and the record that launched his solo career. Take That, for the record, is still together! They did a Carpool Karaoke with James Corden in 2017.
But! Angels. The chorus is all, “I’m loving angels instead.” This has never made much sense to me — snakes don’t go to heaven, ergo, no angels — but it’s still a really beautiful song.
Offstage, there were even more celebrities. J.K. Rowling took a break from Twitter to attend the concert, and Adele stopped by, too! Taylor Instagrammed with both of them, so we have proof that VERY, VERY important people are attending the concerts. I just wish Adele had popped up onstage for a duet. Can you imagine?!
However, most importantly, there was a proposal at the second concert during Taylor’s rendition of “Love Story.” Taylor was a little busy performing and all that, so she didn't notice the couple (that I know of). Not that that matters, though — they got engaged! They hugged right as she sang, "Marry me, Juliet."
Proposal during Love Story at #reptourlondon in front pit tonight. Heard there was another one in left pit!! The dancers DEFINITELY noticed, but Taylor was on the other side of the stage, we were trying to get her attention! Have their contact info and will be sending it to them pic.twitter.com/feq2r8mixj— Michael | london (@mtmcgrew) June 23, 2018
We’re out here making love happen, okay?! Reputation tour? More like love tour!
See y’all next week, when we touch down in Louisville. Bourbon time!