Abbi and Ilana are changed women. They really want you to know that. Last week's Broad City episode was kind of a revelation, and now that Abbi has a boyfriend and Ilana has a steady job, we're basically watching a whole new show. Just kidding. Somehow the women do even worse with stability than they do with uncertainty, but their loss is our entertainment, so let's get started.
"Just The Tips" starts with a classic Broad City non sequitur, with Abbi and Ilana saving a man's life in Gramercy Park (something I didn't know was a bucket list item until now). Despite their philanthropy, he still won't let either of them take a walk in the extremely exclusive garden, solidifying their hatred of rich people — unless, of course, the rich person is Ilana. She's now rolling in it thanks to her success at waitressing, and she's not letting it go to waste.
Meanwhile, things are going just so great with Abbi and her new boyfriend Mike. At least, that's what she tells Bevers after he sneaks into her bed while Mike is in the bathroom. Even though her pseudo-roommate basically admits to watching them bone, she's so giddy that she can't help but gush about her newfound romance. This continues all the way into work, where even her co workers have heard way too much about her budding relationship.
"I just love being part of a couple," she says to deaf ears. "I'm just like, that kind of gal. Woman. Girl. Woman? You know what, it's not about me."
On her day off, Ilana decides to totally treat herself. She goes to get a mani-pedi, where the technician is totally repulsed by her battered waitress feet, and ends up splurging on some pretty insane tips. She then meets her brother at a sex toy shop, where Garol can be seen purchasing an insanely huge dildo in the background.
"I need a second opinion on a new leotard," Ilana says, walking out of the changing room in a see-through bodysuit. She's getting ready for a party later — she doesn't know whose — which she believes will be the perfect place to show off her newfound wealth.
As Abbi says goodbye to Mike on the phone, Ilana rolls up to the party in her new leotard and a wig. Jaime finds the pair on the couch and confides in them: His uncircumcised penis has a yeast infection, therefore he doesn't feel comfortable pursuing a hot man at the party. Speaking of uncomfortable, now that Abbi's in a relationship, she keeps getting hit on by men. Like, way more than before. It's something about pheromones, according to Ilana, who is dealing with an uncomfortable situation of her own.
Lincoln, Ilana's ex, is also at the party. It's the first time they've seen each other since they ended their fling. However, Lincoln also brought his girlfriend, which causes Ilana to immediately get diarrhea. We've all been there, right?
Meanwhile, Abbi went out onto the fire escape to find service, and ended up in conversation with a heartbroken neighbor. She and her husband are going through a tough time, and as a newly-minted relationship expert herself, Abbi feels qualified to give advice. This is why Abbi can't come help Ilana in the bathroom, meaning that when Lincoln pokes his head in asking if Ilana needs help, she has no choice but to say yes.
"Did you shit your leotard?" he asks.
"No," Ilana replies, before giving up and letting him in.
"I'd know that face anywhere," he explains. "That face is saying, 'I shit my leotard.'"
Unfortunately, the leotard zipper is stuck, and she has to rip it off of her using her nails. Lincoln closes his eyes while Ilana cleans herself off, and they both talk about how, despite the current situation, they're in better places.
Back with Abbi, she can't keep up the ruse. The neighbor asks how long she's been with her boyfriend, and Abbi's forced to admit it's only been six days. She gets laughed off the fire escape.
While walking home with Ilana, Abbi gives Mike a call and lets him know she dove into this too fast.
"Oh, well, yeah," he says on the other end, giving someone CPR. "It's only been six days I didn't realize we were being exclusive...I've been sleeping with a couple people."
A heartbroken Abbi hangs up, and the next day she, Ilana, and Jaime debrief while ripping off Ilana's tips, and all come to some important realizations. Jaime decides to get circumcised, Ilana realizes that buying things won't fix her heart, and Abbi concludes that maybe she isn't only one type of person. They're all just figuring it out.