Can We Please Make Armie Hammer Happen?

Photo: Allen Berezovsky/WireImage.
At first glance, it's pretty easy to sum up why Armie Hammer should be a star. The man is gorgeous.
But behind that face, which I would describe as a the love child of young Warren Beatty and Ryan Gosling, with a dash of Bradley Cooper, and a sprinkle of Jon Hamm (for height), Armie Hammer has something else going for him — the man is funny. And he's weird. And unexpected. And kind of just generally awesome. (If you don't believe me, just check out his strong Instagram game. It's a treat.)
Until this year, the only thoughts I had about Armie Hammer (née Armand, as in Arm AND Hammer — he knows you're laughing, he is too) were probably along the lines of: "Oh, Winklevoss guy. Wasn't he in that insane Lone Ranger movie that cast Johnny Depp as a Native American?"
But suddenly, he's everywhere: In Birth of a Nation, Nate Parker's controversial Nat Turner biopic, he portrayed a drunk slave owner who (spoiler!) gets spectacularly butchered. He popped up in Nocturnal Animals, my personal favorite movie of 2016, as Amy Adams' aloof asshole husband. He made a splash at Sundance with Call Me By Your Name, which is guaranteed to make headlines when it's released later this year.
And then there's Free Fire, Ben Wheatley's 1970s shoot'em up film which premieres April 21, and sees a bearded Armie rocking a turtleneck/blazer combo, looking cool as a cucumber as he takes one bullet after another. I had very low expectations of this movie, but it's great — and you know why? Because Armie is great in it. He's charming and witty, doesn't take himself too seriously, and generally nails that whole too cool for school handsome devil with great hair and a killer smile vibe. (His first line: "A thousand apologies, hate it when people are tardy," tells you all you need to know.) Brie Larson may be the Oscar-winner in this ensemble, but Armie is the one you're rooting for.
So, why, with all these roles, do I still need to convince you of Armie Hammer's appeal? Well, let's just say that Armie hasn't quite happened yet. He's been on the cusp of stardom since 2013, when Elle magazine declared him the "male movie star of tomorrow." Part of that is maybe because he's too handsome. I mean, when I read the plot of Stanley Tucci's The Final Portrait, the Alberto Giacometti biopic starring Geoffrey Rush set to be released later this year, my first thoughts were: "Armie. Hammer. Models. Abs. Oh. My God. Naked? Maybe? Please?"and I lost all speech capacity. (I'm sure it's a very complex film with many nuances.) But once your eyes uncross and you wipe the drool from your chin, you start to realize that this guy is good. He's charismatic. He's got range. He's one meaty role away from realizing his Hollywood potential.
This is Armie's year — I just feel it. This is the year that he gets to be the movie star I know he can be. Help me, friends. Help me nudge Armie Hammer over the edge. Let's make him a thing. To get you in the right mindset, here are some fun facts about him.

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