Just How Bad Is This Coldplay & Chainsmokers Collab? Let Me Tell You The Ways

I have defended for Coldplay for a long time. When they were chosen to headline the Super Bowl in 2016 (and later completely upstaged by Beyoncé), I vouched for them. When they toured in my city when I was in high school, I went. Twice!!!! I even think Chris Martin's "consciously uncoupling" stint with Gwyneth Paltrow is kind of endearing. But this. THIS! I can't get over this. It's unforgivable: Coldplay has just released a surprise collaboration with The Chainsmokers.

To a very small sliver of music-lovers is this exciting news, but to the rest of us, "Something Just Like This" is a reminder that just because two musicians meet at the Grammys doesn't mean they should collaborate.

The song is very bad. Even I, self-proclaimed Coldplay devotee, will not stand for this Kidz Bop mash-up. First of all, it contains the most basic of EDM backtracks (which I think the group used in for their song "Roses") paired with weird lyrics that sound like a kid's lullaby? It's like electronic music for babies? It doesn't mesh. It's just a generic Coldplay song played over a generic Chainsmokers song — something nobody asked for.

Before I go any further — do you even know who The Chainsmokers are? Have you maybe heard their song "Kanye?" Or "Closer"? Or "#Selfie"? It's okay if you don't. They've actually been nominated and won a slew of awards in the past year (including a Grammy for Best Dance Recording for "Don't Let Me Down"). Ah yes, now you know who they are.

So how did Drew Taggart and Alex Pall (their real names) get paired with one of the most-loved (and most-mocked) British pop groups of all time? Who even knows.

In conclusion: the lyrics are boring, there is no anticipation in the buildup of the "drop" as the kids say, and I hate how Martin says "Do do do doodley oo." But I guess the jokes on me because it will probably end up being on the Hot 100 charts until 2018 and then you TOO will hate it, and I can say "I told you so."

Anyways listen below and only comment if you agree with me.