Khloé Kardashian has always been the best at defending her family with quick-witted retorts on Twitter, and now she's standing up for herself this way too. A Cleveland Cavaliers fan made a snide comment implying her relationship with Tristan Thompson was responsible for the team's three-game losing streak, and she was having none of it. "Cavs haven’t been playing too well since Khloé Kardashian," wrote @Slimmy97, according to Sportressofblogitude.com. The account has since been made private, perhaps because Slimmy was immediately proven wrong by the Cavs' victory over the Toronto Raptors on Monday night. Also because Kardashian had such an awesome NSFW comeback. "They are #1 in their conference but thanks 4 sucking my dick hard enough 2 think I have that much power," she wrote. "Lick on my balls while you're at it."
Henceforth, we would like all significant others of athletes to copy and paste this response, as Kardashian is but the latest in a long line of famous girlfriends blamed for teams' downfalls. There was the Jessica [Simpson Jinx that befell Tony Romo and the Dallas Cowboys. Then the same accusations were hurled at Kristin Cavallari for Jay Cutler's failings, Olivia Munn for Aaron Rodgers', Ciara for Russell Wilson's, and even Madonna for Alex Rodriguez's. Are these women secretly evil witches? Or it this misogyny disguised as the benign superstition of the sports fan? (Oh, there's one small exception to this gender rule: That time Drake got blamed for ruining Serena Williams' U.S. Open semifinal match.) If there were reports about these athletes partying with their famous other halves instead of practicing, maybe that would be a thing. In the meantime, let's hold each person responsible for his or her own performance.