New Zayn Video Could Signal Impending Zaynocalypse

Multiverse theory holds that there are an infinite number of universes each containing an infinite number of variations on time, space, and location. Which means there could be any number of Zayns could be doing any number of things. There could be a Zayn washing dishes, a Zayn riding with his girlfriend on a Ferris wheel, or a Zayn singing lovelorn things about dead-eyed actresses in the music video for Snakehips’ “Cruel.” That third possibility is what’s going on in the video that debuted earlier Tuesday. But the video itself is also exploring its own mini-multiverse: What if slightly different versions of Zayn were to be singing different parts of the same song, while tied together with a loose conceit of pushing through various screens to see different Zayns? Dismissing the possibility that the Zayns are all part of a single organism, connected to a central body in the undercity, this video is clearly positing that multiple Zayns have broken into our reality and will now serenade us. That’s a disturbing thought, if only because it's unclear if Earth can handle all of that raw sexual energy all at once. What if all the Zayns were to simultaneously sing about their loneliness and need for companionship? That alone could melt the polar icecaps. Wake up, sheeple, is what we’re trying to say. So we can only draw one conclusion. That Snakehips are trying to warn us of an impending Zaynocalypse, and that the person being arrested at the beginning and end of this music video is the mad scientist responsible for transporting all of the alterna-Zayns out of their reality and into our own. Watch below.

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