Before you hightail it to the movie theater to indulge in the just-released abs-spectacular that is Magic Mike XXL, the crew from Screen Junkies would like to remind you what really went down in the first film. Spoiler alert: It wasn't all as pretty as the handsome faces that filled the screen. Sure, a mainly shirtless Channing Tatum may make up the majority of your current Magic Mike memory bank, but this tongue-in-cheek "Honest Trailer" would like to remind you — with a little help from some melodramatic music — that he is also, "A hot dude with all the right moves who struggles to overcome social stigmas about his job, and can't seem to raise enough money to start his dream business no matter how hard he tries." But that's all sunshine and roses compared to his stage partners: There's the Kid, "a fresh-faced teen with a rockin' body ... and a drug problem that sends him into a downward spiral, alienating his best friend, his sister, and landing him in serious trouble with a violent drug cartel." (Cue nasty fight scene.) Then, we have "Tarzan, the beefy slab of man meat who ... accidentally ruffies himself." And last but not least, in the role that officially solidified the McConaissance, we have Matthew McConaughey as Dallas, "the maestro of man ass." Yes, he may actually be able to make chaps look good (who knew), but that doesn't mean he still won't "cheat his longtime business partner out of money, abandoning him as soon as its convenient for his own selfish interest." But don't let that get you down, Magic Mike fans! Any time the sad portion of the plotline begins to get a little too messy for you, Screen Junkies has some solid advice: "Look at those abs!" The abs would never lie to you.