In British Cosmopolitan’s January issue, cover girl Ellie Goulding shoots straight from the hip. The “We Gonna Let It Burn” singer-songwriter opens up about the demons she’s fought to get where she is today, diving deep into issues of self-doubt and her battle with anxiety.
For one, Goulding goes into her struggles with self-confidence and its debilitating effects — certainly an issue many of us know all too well. “I went through a time of being quite insecure," she reveals. "I’d convinced myself I was fat; I didn’t like my figure and I had a big nose. Now I’ve finally got to a place where I don’t focus on those things.”
Goulding is also candid about her experience with crippling panic attacks, which she says convinced her she was dying — and rendered her unable to work on her music. “It got to the point when I couldn’t even get into the car and go to the studio,” she says. But, fortunately, Goulding found a light at the end of that tunnel: “Then I went to see an amazing woman to have CBT, and she flushed everything out. It took a lot of going back to my childhood. With the help of things like Diazepam in small doses to relax me at certain times, the attacks slowly stopped and now I’m through it.”
And, she even discusses her path to musical success — with a certain other pop star serving up lyrical inspiration. “Me and Taylor [Swift] are similar in that we write about relationships, and we joke about that. We text and sometimes I only have to say one thing, and even if it’s cryptic she gets it.” It’s the candor in their friendship and in Swift’s songs that compels Goulding to keep it real, too, she says. “She’s an inspiration to me because she reinstated how honest you can be about a boy in your music. I thought maybe I should stop being so explicit at one point, then I slapped myself out of that: I’m always going to write about people.”