"I'm spending a lot of time looking at detransition resources, in part because they tend to have some good techniques for reframing/dealing with dysphoria in alternative ways. I've slipped into low-key identifying as non binary instead, because that's my social reality – not really in a proud way, more in a sense-of-failure way, 'this is what I can actually accomplish'. Being unable to access your gender for years does change the way you relate to it, you can't help it. I've definitely slipped from a very medicalist ('I have a problem that can be fixed through science'), stealth-oriented ('One day I will be a man and then vanish into the crowd') stance to a far more 'I am a transsexual and this is my transsexual body' one. Cis people don't like it when they encounter concepts like 'this is my female penis' but that's sort of where you end up; you have to find a way to understand yourself, regardless of what might happen in the future. You can't live for that. I've been 'transitioning' for five years, with no appointment in sight, and I can't bind. You have to find a way to deal with your chest the way it is, not just ignoring it or hating it but continuing with a 'transition of the mind' where you sink back into your body from wherever you were floating outside of it, and then get punk about asserting that this body is already a male one.