An Exhaustive List Of 100 Things To Do In Self-Isolation

Illustration by Vero Romero
1. Get all your old clothes ready for the charity shop (when they reopen).
2. Watch every single TikTok video from this blessed woman.
3. Alphabetise your books or, for the aesthetes, colour code them.
4. Organise a bash with your mates on Houseparty.
5. Throw out all your tights with holes in.
6. Vacuum under the bed.
7. Call your grandmother.
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9. Sort out your bedside drawer.
10. Dust your plants.
11. Learn to play the spoons with this marvellous woman.
12. Actually make that stuff you bookmarked in your cookbooks.
13. Learn to count to 10 in 10 languages.
14. Unsubscribe from every email you don’t need.
15. Love your timeline and unfollow people on Instagram that make you sad.
16. Research all your house plants and learn how to actually care for them.
17. Do Sporcle quizzes until you know the capital of every country in the world.
18. Download the classic Sonic the Hedgehog game to your phone.
19. Finally watch The Wire. Feel smug.
20. Finally watch The Sopranos. Feel smug.
21. Finally watch Citizen Kane. Realise it wasn’t worth it.
22. Learn how to knit and make something for a loved one.
23. Watch this video of Simon Webbe pranking the other lads from Blue and wonder why it’s not the most watched video on the internet.
24. Explore the queer history of your town on Queering The Map.
25. Delete all the f*ckbois and girls in your phone.
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26. Watch some wilderness porn.
27. Pluck all the hairs out of your chin.
28. Take your coding skills past MySpace level and learn Python in four hours.
29. Handwash your jumpers.
31. Get your mates to recommend a new band or singer, then return the favour.
32. Clean your grubby makeup brushes.
33. Plant your veg, grow new veg.
34. Learn to French plait.
35. Make telephone friends with an older person.
37. Start a movie club with friends and remotely group watch a Netflix classic together. Or join ours! #r29movieclub
38. Send your pals a voice note with three things you miss about not seeing them.
39. Finally try a 12-step skincare routine.
40. Assign each housemate a specialist subject, make a WordArt-heavy presentation and deliver them all on Friday night with wine.
41. Take in a couch concert. Everyone from Diplo to Christine and the Queens are doing them.
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42. Revisit your younger years and get back into ballet.
43. Rewatch old Changing Rooms. Marvel at how much damage Linda Barker can do to a room in two days.
44. Give thanks for the BBC and their incred plan to educate, entertain and inform the nation during unprecedented times. Take advantage of their offerings.
45. Read the ultimate celebrity profile: Frank Sinatra Has A Cold by Gay Talese.
47. Listen to David Foster Wallace’s Infinite Jest. Tell everyone you read it.
48. Read your MP’s manifesto promises, write them a letter.
49. Watch this old video of Celine Dion’s most beautifully bananas moments and realise she’s always been like this.
50. Donate rice to people in need while learning new words.
51. Figure out a sleep schedule, once and for all.
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52. Plan a detailed itinerary of the holiday you’re going to take when this is finally all over and done with.
54. Download Snake on your phone.
55. Who do you think you are? Start digging into your ancestry.
56. Make a The L Word-style chart of your friends' shagging histories.
57. Learn to moonwalk.
58. Send an email to your future self.
59. Join your local Mutual Aid group and see how you can help neighbours who aren’t coping.
60. Donate some cash, if you can, to the Coronavirus Relief Fund.
61. Take a course on literally anything online (and for free!) at the Khan Academy.
62. Finally start that fecking podcast.
63. Send emails to charities you’d like to volunteer for, ready for when this whole shitshow is over.
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65. Dye or even cut your hair at home. This is the time to make mistakes.
66. Revisit people's worst looks from their past, realise it wasn’t just you.
67. Work up to holding a plank for one minute, then five, then stop. No need to become this guy.
68. Rewatch this iconic episode of Don’t Tell The Bride.
69. Learn to do the splits.
70. Learn who’s who in the K-Pop world.
71. Take a trip down nostalgia road with this dance mat which plugs straight into your TV (wine very much suggested).
72. Do a jigsaw puzzle.
73. Learn to write with your other hand.
74. Watch Rachel Ama’s vegan YouTube channel, make everything.
75. Try on every single thing in your wardrobe and see if new outfit ideas are forthcoming.
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76. Download The Sims.
77. Master banana bread.
78. Rewatch Buffy The Vampire Slayer seasons 1-7.
79. Buy and fill in an address book.
80. NAIL ART.
81. Go through your beauty products and chuck out anything you haven’t used this year.
82. Make pasta from scratch with the Pasta Grannies.
83. Create a beauty shelfie.
84. Give Kama Sutra a whirl.
85. Create your own quarantini with whatever booze you’ve got in.
86. Change the lightbulbs you’ve been ignoring.
87. Master winged eyeliner.
88. Paint your bedroom walls.
89. Learn how to pose for pictures like a professional.
90. Learn the basics of how to draw.
91. Put on a play à la Little Women.
92. Recreate childhood photos.
93. Buy vouchers to your favourite local restaurants and bars for after they reopen.
94. Learn the difference between every type of wine.
95. Suggest life drawing with your housemates (clothes optional).
96. Safely remove your (by now, grown out) gel manicure at home.
97. Master the fancy shop way to fold T-shirts.
98. Learn sign language.
100. Plan your re-emergence into the real world outfit.
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