If you're not familiar with Tolani (Tolly) Shoneye, Audrey Indome and Milena Sanchez, it's time to get better acquainted. These three women are the voices you might've heard on The Receipts, an award-winning podcast that has only gotten bigger and better in the three years it's been running. They're fiercely funny, unashamedly honest and have something to say about everything from blackfishing and the sexualisation of Latinas to the latest celebrity news and the hilarity of day-to-day life. In short, if you want unfiltered women chat, this is where to come.
Every other week is the "Your Receipts" episode, when our three hosts answer questions (often relationship focused) emailed in by their ever growing audience. They range from the wild: "I work with my boyfriend's side chick" and "My boyfriend's ex lives with him" to the even trickier: "He keeps giving me STIs" and "I kissed my boyfriend's dad". We've listened, laughed and nodded along as they've dished out advice for the most ridiculous of dilemmas, so we thought we'd task them with solving some of our own.
With questions gathered from the team here at R29 and friends with an awkward problem to solve, here are our receipts, along with some counsel and direction from the realest women in podcasting.
I hate my boyfriend’s clothes and dress sense. How do I fix it?
Audrey: I’d try and help him out, you know! I think that I would just go shopping, buy him a bunch of stuff and be like, "Oh babe, they was doing a sale and I picked up some stuff."
Tolly: But if you don't have style, you can't even wear nice clothes and make it look nice.
Audrey: Yeah, but at least it's better than nothing. And then when he puts it on you've really got to gas him up and be like, "God you look so amazing!" [laughs] Men are like kids. Once you boost their confidence, they'll come running back and they'll keep on doing the same thing. So I just think he needs a bit of direction. If it's that bad, then you have to step up to the plate and make it happen.
How do I ask my partner if they're cheating?
Audrey: You don't go through their phone? I'm joking…
Tolly: You straight up ask him: "Are you seeing someone else?"
Audrey: But are you going to get a straight answer?
Tolly: Of course you're not! Of course they're gonna lie! I really believe that god gave women intuition. I think just as something to balance out the patriarchy [laughs]. I've never thought someone's been cheating and been wrong.
You know what I used to do right? This is crazy! I had a separate email account and I emailed myself saying that my boyfriend was doing this stuff that he knew he was doing. I was like [to him], "Someone emailed me, so what's this?" Then he had to be like, "Oh no I've been caught" but it was me all along.
Audrey: [laughing] Whatever it is that's making you think he's cheating, ultimately, that's evidence. So just take that to him. Unless it's a dream. Don't do that. Ever.
Tolly: I've woken up from a dream pissed, like "I hate you, you dick."
When is the right time to tell a friend that I like them as more than a friend?
Tolly: I've done it and I've called them and been like, "Hey, can we talk, actually I like you." I mean, he didn't like me back like that...
Audrey: But then you have to say, "There's no bearing on our relationship, I just wanted to let you know." So put a disclaimer in there as well.
Milena: And I think you need to know that there is a chance of the friendship never being the same again. If you do tell them and they're like, "Now do I need to be mindful of what I do and what I say?"
Audrey: Tell them though. There’s nothing worse than sitting there with your friend and you're watching him play PlayStation and you're in love with him.
Tolly: Also you start seeing things as more than friendship, things you normally think, "Oh, that's what he normally does," because you like that person.
How do I tell my boyfriend I’ve been faking my orgasms?
Tolly: Firstly, don't fake your orgasm because that rewards bad behaviour. Why you telling someone they got an 'A' when they didn’t? Don’t! Because he feels like he's doing all the right things when ultimately he isn’t. I don't think I'd say I've been faking it. I think next time I go out of my way to make sure I get it. And then maybe next time I'll just stop faking it.
Audrey: I just think like, if you’ve been faking it for six years, you have to continue to take that L, I’m sorry.
Milena: I agree. I think we put too much pressure on men to give us orgasms.
Tolly and Audrey: NO ABSOLUTELY NOT!
Audrey: You need to just tell him. If he asks you, did you cum, just say no. Or what you do is, once you’ve finished you start masturbating. And then he’s like, what you doing? That’ll dent his ego so hard he’ll be taking notes.
My partner cheated on me with my best friend. Do I have to cut both of them out?
Audrey: Yeah, that's a no brainer. They can't be trusted.
Tolly: The best friend is the worst. That’s worse than the boyfriend. It’s going to be painful though because you're going to have the heartbreak of the friendship and the heartbreak of the boyfriend.
Audrey: So you've got no one to lips, and no one to cry to.
I kissed someone else, do I have to tell my partner?
Audrey: No, absolutely not.
Tolly: No. Audrey hates confessing [laughs].
Audrey: There’s no need for it. You got away scot-free. You're not going to get caught, what is your purpose? You know, there's no reason for telling people other than to offload the guilt. That's my justification. I think that when people want to confess often it's to offload. You've got away with it. Don't hurt that person's feelings and just move on and forgive yourself.