The First Reactions To The Cats Movie Are Predictably Unhinged

Photo: Courtesy of Universal Pictures.
No trailers, Wikipedia synopses, or cast interviews brought me any closer to understanding what exactly happens in the upcoming movie adaptation of Cats, and I naively thought that all would be revealed when the film premiered on Monday night and I could scour Twitter for reactions. Not so. Somehow, everyone's mixed and confusing takeaways from the Tom Hooper creation have pushed me even further from clarity. I see anger. I see excitement. I see horniness. In many ways, it's Twitter as usual, so what do people actually think of 2019's most-anticipated movie about humans playing cats to scale?
"The weirdest movie I've ever seen," Lauren LeVine, Refinery29's entertainment director, mused upon entering the office.
"The CATS movie is the strangest, most bewildering, queerest, magical, and spectacular cinematic experience I have ever had," Broadway World's Alan Henry wrote. "I am not sure what just happened but I know that it was something worth experiencing."
Okay, so that's one check in the "good" column. However, not everyone's reactions were as positive.
"It brings me no pleasure to report that CATS is way too horny for its own good," Variety's Caroline Framke wrote.
"whatever they paid Judi Dench it was not enough" Vulture's Rachel Handler quipped.
"Watching CATS is like stumbling upon an unholy and heretofore unknown genre of porn," noted The New York Times' Kyle Buchanan. "Every time these horny fur demons tongue a milk bowl and start moaning I was certain the FBI would raid the theater."
So these are checks in...."bad"? I think? Don't worry, the reactions get even more confusing.
"CATS is a demented fantasia of fur and frivolity, and watching it made me feel like I was losing my mind. Go see it immediately," Isaac Feldberg of Fortune tweeted, putting this review squarely in the ????? column.
Next Best Picture's Matt Neglia more or less said the same thing.
"CATS is everything you hoped it would be: A pure, unapologetic, 100% drug induced musical acid trip for nearly 2 hours. Can’t recall the last time I was this dumbstruck by a piece of entertainment. Despite all of that, I kind of want to see it again!? Inebriated this time maybe?"
For those specifically curious about where Taylor Swift fit in to all of this, Birth.Movies.Death contributor Tom Augustine spilled the tea.
"You know that scene in THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW where Meat Loaf shows up for one scene, does a song, and promptly leaves for the rest of the movie? Well, dear reader, it brings me no pleasure in telling you that there’s an analogous sequence in CATS featuring Taylor Swift," he wrote on Twitter.
The Los Angeles Times may have summed up the film best in a tweet pegged to its review:
"CATS is a horror — and an occasional hoot."
The only way to solve the mystery surrounding what Cats really is, is to go see it for yourself. Do you dare walk amongst the jellicles?

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