The Top 13 Conspiracy Theories About Ariana Grande's Ponytail

As you know, Ariana Grande's ponytail is as long and luxurious as the mane of a baby pegacorn. Sure, it's sexy, but we are what you might call "ponytail truthers." There is no way that ponytail is just a bunch of shiny, bouncy hair — there is clearly something more going on here. It's our duty to expose the truth, so we've collected all the theories that we just made up are currently being investigated by the FBI circling the Internet.

Put on your tinfoil hat (over your own ponytail, if you must) and explore the Top Ariana Grande Ponytail Conspiracy Theories of 2014. Then clear your cache, because you never know who might be watching.

BEImages/Jim Smeal
Ariana Grande's ponytail reproduces by vegetative propagation, sporogenesis, and binary fission. All these processes need to happen at the same time, which is why it is so rarely found in the wild.
Ariana Grande's ponytail is the first octopus to live on land and breathe oxygen.
BEImages/Matt Baron
Ariana Grande keeps snacks in the curls of her ponytail in order to feed squirrels and compel them to do her bidding.
REX USA/David Fisher/Rex
Ariana Grande's ponytail is the secret headquarters of the Illuminati, code-named "Cheeky."
BEImages/Matt Baron
Ariana Grande's ponytail is commissioning an exploratory report on a potential presidential candidacy. And one on her left boob.
REX USA/Beretta/Sims/Rex
If you count the number of swings made by Ariana Grande's ponytail and multiply by the number of strands, you will accurately calculate the first 10,000 digits of pi.
BEImages/Henry Lamb/Photowire
Ariana Grande's ponytail sometimes changes color due to its emotions, such as extreme embarrassment.
BEImages/Matt Baron
Ariana Grande's ponytail is a self-regulating umbrella mechanism that springs to attention whenever a raindrop falls.
REX USA/Brian Rasic/Rex
Ariana Grande's ponytail will be scaled by a miniature Nicolas Cage in the next National Treasure movie.
REX USA/MediaPunch Inc
Ariana Grande's ponytail is from an alternate universe inhabited by sentient ponytails with mini Ariana Grandes riding them. Her ponytail somehow migrated here through a rift in the space-time continuum and hopes to use her earpiece to communicate with its people.
REX USA/MediaPunch Inc
The nuclear launch codes are located beneath Ariana Grande's ponytail. In the Chanel bag, obvs.
REX USA/Everett Collection
Ariana Grande's ponytail only exists to cover up the eye of Sauron, which lives on the back of her head.
REX USA/MediaPunch Inc
Ariana Grande's ponytail contains all the code needed to expose 4chan.
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