It's a jungle out there folks, and meeting Mr. or Mrs. Right might seem close to impossible. While instructional dating videos may seem like a things of the past, the advent of video technology and YouTube lights the candle for these gems to live on forever. Just this week, clips popped up around the internet from the incredibly earnest Kathleen Chloe Cahoon, attempting to teach women how to meet and date European men—which got us looking towards the web for more awkward how-to videos of the same ilk. From strange role playing to stranger '80s tutorials, we've rounded up the best of the worst dating advice videos that no one should be taking to heart... Unless, of course, you want to brush up for your singles' cruise to Barbados in February.
Why Single Girls Want To Meet European Men
A cross between your grandma and a piece of gum, Kathleen Chloe Cahoon asks the hard-hitting questions to find out how to meet a hunk with an accent.
Pro tip: Lurk around indoor basketball courts in a pink peacoat. Then make him say his name.
How To Meet A European Man At A Dance Club
It was hard to decide which other video of Katherine's to feature. This one has dance moves though. Pretty soon, you'll have all them Euros lining up to shimmy with you.
Pro tip: The sexiest of dances include a hip sway, a hair flip, and a step turn.
How To Flirt With A Girl
Self-proclaimed "Social Dynamics" Expert Alex Macrae explains why children are the world's best flirts (and, indirectly, how they're the biggest idiots).
Pro tip: Ask if it's alright to eat her eyeballs.
The Art Of Meeting Men
Cold-hearted bitches even existed in the '80s. Here's how to snag your very own looker in a patterned sweater.
Pro tip: Always carry a conversation starter with you, like a book with an interesting cover, or a stuffed animal.
The Video Guide To Successful Seduction
Apparently, seduction can take place anywhere and mean anything! For example, under-the-shirt-and-skirt fondling in a public restaurant.
Pro tip: In Detroit, all you need to seduce a woman is a dollar, a pack of beer, a gram of coke, and a whip. Good to know!
How To Seduce Women Through Hypnosis
Don't mind the commentary by the two men who found this '80s footage, just watch as "John" seduces a woman in the most hard-to-believe way possible.
Pro tip: Establish your credibility by lying and telling women you're a hypnotist.
Secret Flirting Tips As Shown On A Pomeranian
Making small talk can be hard for a lot of people, and might take a lot of practice. Dr. Diana Kirschner recommends role playing...with your dog.
Pro tip: To establish a connection, say the person's name a lot. For example, "Mr. Fluffykins, I love your tie. Yes I do, Mr. Fluffykins!"
How To Attract Women By Being Playful
Ryan Clauson hates VH1 dating star, Mystery, and insists that his way of picking up women is honest and respectful. Honest, perhaps—but being subjected to these kinds of moves is definitely a word other than respectful.
Pro tip: To playfully seduce a woman while cooking dinner, put on Dean Martin and make your craziest face while pretending you're the third member of The Roxbury Guys.
How To Approach A Man
We don't know what's more appealing about Dr. Paul Vehorn's series on dating: the Crate and Barrel decor, his outdated advice, or the strange way he keeps his leg both crossed and at attention throughout all 26 videos.
Pro tip: Remember, ladies. This isn't your grandma's era. According to Dr. Paul Vehorn, you can just go up to a guy and say "Look. Maybe we could go for a business lunch, or maybe a brunch." Sexy!