Ever wake up after a night of bad decisions (made out with a bartender, drunk Tweeted the ex, gorged on 3.5 hot dogs) and wish one of your friends had stopped you? That's where The Second City Network's Sassy Gay Friend comes in. In two hilarious videos, he staves off the suicides of both Ophelia ("Your hair looks better than it's ever looked! Why would you want to get it wet?") and Juliet ("You love him? You met him Sunday, it's barely Thursday. Slow down, crazy."). Watch below.