It's Hump Day and we've all got that summer feeling! Birds are chirping, the sun is penetrating our bodies' general frigidity (pause), and the fragrant air is alight with late spring's bright blooms. Everyone's out of the house, which means cafe patios, parks, and pretty much everywhere romantic is overrun with couples getting off on the amazing weather. Well, guess what? They're all bored and sexless! But here's the good news:
is here to help your man take the reins and navigate your relationship's first year of sex, from the super-hot first weeks, to the insipid ninth month where a quick roll on the couch during Thursday night's must-see lineup is all the action you see. And dudes, pay close attention: "Real women" are talking here.
"You’re probably dying to bump things up from PG-13 to an undisclosed number of X’s…[pick] a single raunchy move from your arsenal…and [ask] her nicely if she’d be up for giving it a go. You may be surprised to discover she’s got a freaky side somewhere, so really all you’re doing her is the favor of letting it out.
"What started as wine-me, dine-me, screw-me-in-the-taxi-home dating has now, after a few short months, turned into TiVo and takeout. Time to negotiate a precoital contract! Like Kristyn, 27, who conquered sex-life doldrums by instituting a 'sex every night' rule with her boyfriend."
"Your final line of offense: Offer to fix her a dish of ice cream, but get a little creative with it. Spoon a scoop into her mouth, then lick a little mint chocolate chip off her lips. Show off your tongue’s cherry-stem-tying abilities and tell her where you’d really like to put that whipped cream."
"Your first real fight comes with a built-in silver lining: steaming-hot make-up sex! Some chicks do get off on despising your guts. Heed Pam, 27: 'Am I the only one who likes hate sex? Don’t try to talk to me. Just fuck me in anger, please.' (And, no, you cannot have Pam’s e-mail address.)"
"By now you know your girlfriend’s friends pretty well, especially 'the hot one.' Likewise, your girl has probably figured out which of the guys in your entourage hit on their buddies’ girlfriends relentlessly. Caveat: She goes first, and you can admit to crushing on any female except her BFF, who is strictly spank-bank-only material."
"It’s time for the traditional first-anniversary gift: a weekend of marathon hotel sex! Darcy, 30, knows a guaranteed girl turn-on, perfect for a special occasion. 'Since I’m all gussied up already, we’ll do it on the kitchen counter or in the hallway against the wall—having sex upright prevents my hair from getting messy or my makeup smudged."