Poor Kristen Wiig. She's made this list twice. MacGruber drives the LOLs home by having one sex scene complete with every '80s cliche ever, and then mutes the music. But MacGruber's disgusting noises happen to be, you know, his thing. Maya Rudolph is a real champ.
Cube 2: Hypercube
One minute this couple is trying to deal with deathtraps inside a cube, and then before you know it, they're boinking so good the cube's gravitational pull ceases to exist, causing them to boink, in circles, forever.
Shoot 'Em Up
Monica Bellucci is hot. Clive Owen is hot. Monica Bellucci and Clive Owen together are super-hot. But, climaxing while your partner blows the brains outta some armed forces? Now, that's just crazy talk. Also, let's get a slow clap going for the writer who patted him/herself on the back after penning Owen's post-coital one-liner: "Talk about shooting your load."
Everyone, this movie is a gem. An absolute gem. Sandra Bullock is just so charming and awkward. This scene starts off so romantically, but — well, sex is different in 2032. And, is also referred to by Sly Stallone as "the hunka chunka." Watch for maximum awkwardness.
Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Aptly called "Sex Wars," this four-way love-fest is anything but sexy. It's not even remotely un-sexy. Unbecoming, sure, but never is there ever a better time to fake your way through an orgasm than when trying to get back at your ex.
Oh, yes. Remember when movies had "computer people" doing "computer things," like hacking and making bleep-y bloop-y noises on their screen? This film also features a young Hugh Jackman making sex faces while receiving a blowjob with a gun to his head, all while hacking. Because hackers live life in the fast lane, maaaan.
That time Cameron Diaz (and her stunt double) performed number 17, the spreadeagle, on the windshield of a Ferrari. Literally, what?!
Team America: World Police
We're pretty sure this is not the kind of "playtime" you made Barbie and Ken have when you were young and innocent.
Have you ever seen Crank 2? No need, we'll explain it for you: It is like tipping your head back, pouring a Pixie Stick into your eyeball, waiting for the high fructose corn syrup to seep directly into your brain, and then doing 14 shots of espresso. You feel gross, shaky, kind of aroused, and absolutely flummoxed that someone greenlit this movie. The most insulting/uncomfortable part of the film is when poor Amy Smart, devoted girlfriend, gets sprayed with a high-pressure hose. See if you can make it that far.
40 Days and 40 Nights
There is a lot of funny sex in 40 Days and 40 Nights, but nothing quite as odd or tingly-feeling as Josh Hartnett making Shannyn Sossamon climax using nothing other than a flower. You can tell it meant something because, you know, Sophie B. Hawkins is playing.
Ah, the mysteries of the female orgasm. Even mad scientists underestimate its immense power.
Kristen Wiig hits the nail on the head when she said, mid-sex, "You know what? I think we're on different rhythms here." Yes, Kristen Wiig, you and Jon Hamm are.
North by Northwest
Thanks to stringent codes and regulations, sex on screen in the '50s was pretty taboo, but the old Hitch had quite a smart workaround for the close of his classic thriller. My Hitchcock professor in college pointed out the obvious phallic imagery here, but also drew the train car as the origination of action — or in other words, a womb of sorts. Which led to me taking the note: "Penis is the train going into the mountain, but also penis has womb inside???"