Goop is a mystery to us all. The company that brought vaginal steaming into our popular culture was hilariously parodied last night on Saturday Night Live, with Heidi Gardner reprising her Baskin Johns character, a nervous Goop employee who is just as confused about its products as the rest of us. Luckily, the real Goop stopped by the Weekend Update desk to teach us all about her trendy wellness ways, and her quest to sell us only the top, No. 1, best-ever products.
Gardner introduced Johns to us in October 2018, and we have been wondering when the stressed-out character would return. After forgetting the ingredients in the “No. 1” Goop Body Wash, and having a subsequent breakdown about being sent to work at a Bath & Body Works, she begs her supervisor Fifer to come help her out. Fifer is, of course, played by Gwyenth Paltrow herself, here to satirize her Goop empire, as only she can.
Fifer gently reminds Gardner that Paltrow doesn’t believe in firing anyone — it’s called “conscious unemploying.” After confidently trying to take over the product demonstration, Paltrow devolves into Johns’ anxious demeanor, calling Himalayan sea salt “angry sugar.” An apt description of a Goop’s salt scrub if we ever heard one.
And, in a nod to Goop’s vast empire and staggering revenue, host Michael Che asked what Goop really means. “Gwenyth opens our paychecks!” replied Gardner and Paltrow in unison. After all, Paltrow’s side hustle is worth many millions of dollars, and it’s nice to see that she’s in on the joke. We’re glad that she’s laughing about jade yoni eggs with the rest of us. No. 1, best-ever jade eggs, that is.