Welcome to the safest, most contoured space on the Internet: A space where we can openly discuss, dissect, and indulge in the greatest show of our time, Keeping Up With The Kardashians.
This week, it's all about little Chicago, who finally graces the world with her presence on the show. While the family prepares for the first of many new grandkids, Khloé starts to question if she trusts Kim or Kourtney more when it comes to being a legal guardian to (the not yet-born) True. The conversation becomes dramatic (shocker) and eventually all three sisters have to confront each other to settle who will take care of Khloé's daughter if something happens to her. Plus, there's a flash mob. Let's get to recapping.
The biggest plot line of the episode is who Khloé will pick to be the legal guardian of her daughter. (Yes, this takes precedent over little Chicago's birth!) It all starts when Khloé asks Scott his advice on talking to Tristan about who the god parents for their baby should be. Tristan apparently clams up and gets uncomfortable, which is a little odd considering that Tristan already has a child from a previous relationship and has likely had this conversation before. Regardless, it sparks something in Khloé — who does she want to raise her kid if she's gone? Kim or Kourtney? She's closer to Kim at this moment in time because Kim's been more engaged in Khloé's pregnancy, making her homemade bone broth and bringing her baby clothes, and the wounds from the whole Kourtney feud are still pretty fresh.
At the end of the day, Khloé has two viable options: Kourtney, who is more religious and more family-oriented, and Kim, who is more hands-on and goal-oriented. Kris tells her daughter to "listen to her heart and mind." She ultimately decides on Kim being the legal guardian, because she thinks that her parenting style is more relatable to her. Kourtney's a little (a lotta) bitter about the choice, and maintains that Khloé will change her mind on the matter. Eventually.
While on the topic, a certain TMZ story from February is brought up, regarding custody agreements between Khloé, Kourtney, and Kylie and their partners, since none of them are legally married to the fathers of their respective children. The sisters imply that the story is wrong and outrageous, but seen months later, everything seems to be peachy.
Miracle West = Miracle Whip
Kim and Jonathan Cheban attend a doctor's appointment for La'Reina, Kim and Kanye's surrogate. Now why the hell is Jonathan at the surrogate's doctor appointment is unclear, but it does give us the opportunity to hear just how patient the surrogate is as she listens to Jonathan's bizarre theory that she will give birth while he's in town because it's tradition. Sure, Jan. It's nice to see little (unnamed Chicago) is doing healthy since there's been little talk of her, or the surrogate, so far this season. This episode more than makes up for that because we get to not only hear about the surrogate's experience carrying Kim's child, but we also get to hear about the origin of Chicago's name, and Kim's thoughts on the surrogacy process.
First, let's talk about the name. Kim and Kanye didn't decide on a name for Chicago until fairly late into the pregnancy. In fact, if we're to believe the bizarre timelines of this show, it was practically the week Chicago was born that she was named Chicago. But what was she called before she was Chicago? According to a conversation held over sushi, Kim considered a few other notable cities for her third child's name. Among them Milan, Rome, and a few one syllable words (to follow suit with North and Saint). She even says she went over the "whole map" while on a trip to San Fran, but couldn't decide on a name. From there, she tried horoscope names, biblical names, and even accepted a few pitches from Kanye's side of the family before she firmly shot them down. (They offered Precious and Miracle, but according to Kim, "Miracle West sounds like miracle whip which is the most stripper name of all time.") Once she reveals the final choice, Chicago, she sounds excited at the idea of it being shocking and even a little controversial. She thinks everyone will go crazy over, but eventually get used to it. (She's right.) "The city is really connected to the memory of his mom," she explains.
Unfortunately, Mason's very reasonable suggestion of Emily was apparently never considered.
Kim also opened up a lot about the experience of having a surrogate. "I think it was the best decision I have ever made," Kim tells MJ after Chicago's birth. "I would recommend it for anyone. I am the biggest fan of surrogacy." While it all went smoothly, Kim did acknowledge the initial fears she had about it. "All my fears of everything I thought would happen...all of that goes out the door and you instantly feel connected." Her biggest fear was that connection: "Am I going to feel the same way as me birthing my kids? And it was. It was such a relief."
Can we take a moment of silence for that dance sequence? It was ... so painful to watch. It was first inspired by a conversation over blood facials between Kourtney and her friend, Larsa. They want to let loose over hip hop classes and invite Kim to join, mostly because they know she hates (and sucks at) dancing. We see the girls take class together, and I have to say: Kourtney is brave for allowing that on television. Kim, however, sits and laughs. Of course, the producers — I mean, the sisters — manage to make Kim's lack of interest and ability to dance into a bigger moment of self-reflection. You see, Kim doesn't dance because she doesn't know how to let loose in life, not because she is forever scarred for life from bombing on stage with Prince. It only gets better when Kourtney, Khadijah, Kendall, and Khloé help coordinate a flash mob at The Grove to surprise Kim and show her the beauty of not taking life so seriously! They do it, it's cute, and Kim's life is forever changed for the better.
Also, she never dances.
Our weekly round-up of the craziest one-liners from the episode (these are all out of context because it makes them funnier):
"I can't. Like, I can't." — Kim
"I scoured that map in San Fran." — Kim
"I'm the ultimate Insta-ho." — Kourtney
"I just don't dance. I make money moves." — Kim
"Big dogs, I'm telling you. It's the wave." — Kourtney
"I can barely breathe in this body." — Khloé
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