Today, ABC revealed the 28 men who will vie for Becca Kufrin's heart on The Bachelorette this season. Sorry, Chris Harrison revealed them, kind of, in a 16-minute Facebook Live during which Harrison really waxed poetic about the men. This is ABC's thing now. (The network did the same thing last year with Rachel Lindsay's suitors.)
First of all, before we get into Harrison's commentary, the broadcast glitched right around the 4 minute mark.
"This is the beauty of live Facebook. It's what you get," Harrison remarks. The photo behind him — it's the headshot of the suitor Clay — is frozen in place. "Are we frozen? You guys can talk to me. We're live. It's fine."
Later, when no one pipes up, Harrison says, "Feel free to chime in. There's, like 30 people here this morning. No one wants to speak. No one wants to speak when crap goes wrong. Just like in any office, when stuff goes really bad, everybody's really quiet, because no one wants to be the one who just left you out to dry when you're live."
He adds, "This is a big deal — live on Facebook. There's at least ten members of my family watching this right now." Harrison, that jokester.
The photos quickly rev back up, and Harrison's commentary keeps going.
On Chase: "Chase is involved in a little drama on night one. I think the facial hair may have led you to know that he was going to be a part of some drama on night one. He just kinda looks like that kind of a character."
On Chris: "I don't like to have any Chrises on the show other than myself. I feel like they steal my thunder a little bit."
On Christian: "Always like those soccer players."
On Clay: "Clay. Clay's a stud...Clay might be the most athletic guy we've ever had on the show."
On Connor: "Early on, gets involved in a little drama in the house, does Connor, which you wouldn't think of looking at that smiling, sunny disposition of his."
On David: "Wow. Ok. David, aka The Chicken Man. David is really interesting guy." (David arrives on the first night in a chicken suit.) Harrison adds, "There's never a reason in life to show up in a chicken suit." David is also allegedly involved in an incident that will go down in Bachelorette history.
On Garrett: "Sneaky good athlete...Garrett rises to the top." Harrison adds that Garret "just cares about Becca."
On Grant: "He has kind of a Matt Damon thing going on."
On Jake: "Other than looking a little bit like former professional golfer Mike Weir, Jake and Becca have a past. They have differing versions of this past."
On Jason: "This guy is Buffalo through-and-through. Just a good guy."
On Jean Blanc: Okay, according to Harrison, Jean Blanc has 250 types of cologne. He loves cologne. "I don't know if any woman loves to hear that," Harrison remarks.
On Joe: "He's a grocery store owner! How are you not a good guy if your name's Joe, you're from Chicago, and you're a grocery store owner!"
On John: "Arguably the most successful guy we've ever had on the show...Silicon Valley guy...this guy's legit."
On Jordan: To this contestant, Harrison laughs and says, wearily, "Oh, Jordan...He's a pretty guy! He's a good-looking guy." Harrison also compares him to Ben Stiller from Zoolander.
On Kamil: "Also a model...social media guy."
On Leo: "Leo's a renaissance man...I'll just say this for Leo: Don't judge a book by its hair." Leo is a stuntman, and Harrison calls him "crazy."
On Lincoln: "Drama. Drama. And drama."
On Mike: "Good hair."
On Nick: "Fun-loving attorney. Zest for life."
On Rickey: "Sharp bowtie. I like it. Sharp dresser. Big Wall Street guy."
On Ryan: "He's a quirky dude."
On Trent: "Night one, a very interesting gift for Becca. A very interesting gift for Becca."
On Wills: "A very romantic guy. Makes a really good connection — he's kind of that silent guy that flies under the radar with Becca."
There's Harrison's commentary. Come May 28, you can make your own!