Please Help — I Can’t Stop Watching Ansel Elgort’s New Music Video

Ansel Elgort is a really sweet guy. He has that puppy dog kind of charm, and is lovably goofy. I imagine him permanently glued to his Xbox when he's not doting on his longtime girlfriend Violetta Komyshan (his greatest collaborator). He's wealthy, privileged, and famous, but not totally jaded. He has a good head (and head of hair) on his broad shoulders — an all around great kid, I'd say. Except what the fuck is this new music video for "Thief?" It's like "I Don't Wanna Live Forever" meets "Hold On We're Going Home" meets "Starboy." It's so not the Ansel Elgort I, or any of you, have come to know (and secretly love). And apparently that's on purpose. The 22-year-old tells Rolling Stone that this incredibly random music video is a piece of art, not just a musical piece. "Music should be art," he says. "Musicians used to play characters all the time: Bowie, MJ, Freddie Mercury. I'm inspired by those guys [rather than] the modern pop star." An artist with a vision is a great, but this is just bizarre. Unfortunately for him, he's way more Nick Jonas than Patrick Bateman, who he also notes as an inspiration for his sex crazed, emotionally absent character. (None of this is obvious the video, but apparently it's what he wants us to get from it. And yes, the girl in the video is his girlfriend, which doesn't make it meta; it just makes it awk). There's really only one way to truly take in this neon '80s fever dream — through a round-up of the most insane gif-able moments. Like a train wreck, you just can't ... look away. I want to but I can't. The turtleneck, the Spider-Man kiss, the awkward shower sex, the moody twilight rooftop gaze. It's all SO MUCH. Below, I highlight a few of my personal favorite moments from this wannabe film noir. The push-up scene: a nod to American Psycho.

The Spider-Man kiss.

The shirtless + fringe combo.

Just all of the fringe.

This wrist flick!

The "lock me up" hand motion.

The facial expressions.

And of course, this final brooding moment.

Okay, we've beat around the bush enough. You must take the plunge and watch the entire music video yourself. In the words of Elgort himself: "I'm so glad you’re here, and I hope you love my new video!"