The Movies You Watch Every Single Time They’re On

It’s Sunday afternoon. You just took laundry out of the dryer and have some folding to do, so you turn on the TV. You’re flipping through the channels when you see it: Mean Girls. “But there are so many new episodes of [insert basically anything that’s come out since that movie did in 2004] piling up in your DVR that you should watch,” the rational side of your subconscious argues. “I’ll just watch until the scene when the Plastics dance at the talent show,” the side that has this movie memorized counters.
Soon, your laundry is folded and put away, and you’re on your couch with some wine and popcorn. You have no idea how they even got poured or popped. Now that you’re this far along, you at least have to see the part where Cady (Lindsay Lohan) basically turns into a Plastic while she’s supposed to be working with Janis (Lizzy Caplan) to destroy Regina George (Rachel McAdams). And once you’re in that deep, it behooves you to see Cady’s triumph at the Mathletes State Championship (“The limit does not exist!”) and homecoming dance (“It’s just plastic”).
A short while later, the credits are rolling, and you realize the number of times you've seen it has just gone up again. Dammit, Mean Girls. How do you do this every time?
While we’re on the subject — dammit, every single one of the following movies. How do you get us to watch you no matter what? They must have a fifth’s like they have ESPN or something. They know we can’t turn them off.

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