Do you think sex always has to be about orgasms? I have no problem achieving orgasms on my own, but with my last long-term partner it only happened about 30% of the time. I was fine with that, but he was frustrated and seemed to think we were "sexually incompatible." Was I selling myself short with someone who couldn't make it happen 100% of the time, or should I have tried harder to convince him that our relationship was satisfying — even if the sex wasn’t?
"I definitely don’t think sex always has to be about orgasms. I mean, I’d be really sad if I wasn’t having orgasms at all, but sometimes they aren’t needed or just don’t happen — and too much focus on orgasm can suck the spontaneity and fun out of sexual interactions. (In my experience, which is just my personal preference.) I’m sure there’s someone out there who adores having task-oriented sex with checklists and hand-tally counters as props, and hopefully they have at least one partner happy to indulge them.
That said, the part of your question where you describe the sex as not satisfying makes me suspect we have a difference in opinion. It doesn’t matter how important I think orgasms are. It matters how important you think orgasms are, because they’re your orgasms. If the sex wasn’t satisfying for you, then the two of you probably weren’t sexually compatible.
Or, nobody was reaching down to stimulate your clitoris. That’s a running theme with women who don’t easily achieve orgasm during penetrative sex with a male partner. Being penetrated without some amount of stimulation for that nifty bundle of nerves right above your vaginal canal probably isn’t going to cause an orgasm. That’s just armchair biology.
You’re only selling yourself short if you’re denying yourself things (like what you want out of a sexual relationship) in exchange for other things (like romance or security) and those things aren’t enough to make up for the deficiency in other areas. It would be really great if everyone in the world could actually have it all but — then we’d be living in the denouement of a Disney movie.