We don't want to hear anything about a slow news day. Capybaras don't need a reason.
Hydrochoerus hydrochaeris is the world's largest rodent. It lives in Central and South America, it's semi-aquatic, and it munches on grass like a mofo.
This animal right here has a goddamn cecum for extracting maximum nutritional goodness from said grasses. "Big whoop!" you say. "I've got a friggin' peritoneal pouch, too. Where's my parade?" Yeah, sure. But you don't eat your own droppings, now do you? Do you? The capybara does, because it doesn't give a cluck.
The male capybara is like the Ernest Hemingway of aquatic rodents. No, they don't drink daiquiris for breakfast, you turkey. They take multiple mates and head up their pack of fine females to protect them from anacondas and ocelots. Maybe Hemingway didn't do all that, but imagining him fighting off a 30-foot Amazonian nightmare snake is pretty dope.
And, when capybaras get hot to trot, they go full Elizabeth Berkley in Showgirls. That's right — they park the pink bus right there in the water. Slick. They don't even need to woo each other with pithy observations about Russian formalism on JDate, like some people.