If All Of Hollywood Did Love The Goop Way

Another day, another excellent Slate generator based on the most recent pop-cultural phenomenon. This time, Gwyneth Paltrow's recent (and slightly bewildering) "conscious uncoupling" from Chris Martin is the template, and you and all of your friends and lovers are the input. First, let's all just take a second to put everyone we know into the widget. And, then, subsequently Gchat it to the entire world. Meet back here in 10 minutes.

Okay? Great. Now, next question: What would happen if the rest of Hollywood got on the goop bandwagon? Plenty of people enjoy a gluten-free lifestyle and the regular consumption of kale, so it's only a matter of time before Gwyneth's new way of living and loving catches on. Just put 'em into the ol' Slate widget and see what the brave new world looks like:

Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard are graciously united.

Brad Pitt is holistically asunder from Jennifer Aniston, but consciously recoupled with Angelina Jolie.

Facebook is fated to be deeply unified with Snapchat.

Ellen is spiritually united with Portia.

Cersei is spiritually semi-coupled with Jamie.

Hannah Horvath is magnanimously affixed to Adam Sackler.

Kanye is meditatively intertwined with Kim.

And, now that she's uncoupled, Gwyneth Paltrow is consciously unique. That's a good one to keep in mind next time your great aunt asks when you're getting married.