These Octopus-Inspired Vibrators Don’t Have Tentacles, But They Are Effective

I'm all for trying out any and all new sex toys in the name of helping R29 readers find sexual confidence and pleasure — G-spot vibrators, bullets, ones recommended by celebrities, and viral sensations are just the beginning of my vast and varied collection. So, when an email from Hot Octopuss slid into my inbox, asking if I'd like to sample its newest releases (which are currently up to 25% off for Valentine's Day with the code VAL25), I didn't hesitate to say yes. Bring on the octopussy!

Then, I got nervous. What exactly was going to show up on my doorstep? I imagined vibrators with long, winding tentacles and scary-looking suction cups or, perhaps, bulbous ends with the ability to creep into even the tiniest of spaces. But my pounding heart was relieved to see that under the box's shiny packaging and scrawling script, the vibrators looked — well — normal. Both were sleek and modern, wrapped in soft silicone that was on par with some of my luxury vibrators. In fact, the only thing about the vibrators that were even slightly octopus-like was their purple-and-black colour scheme, which my brain will forever associate with the most famous octopus I know: The Little Mermaid's Ursula (will Disney put a hit out on me for mentioning it in a sex toy review? We'll find out... ).

Admittedly, I've been on a clitoral-sucking vibrator bender for the last few weeks, and I was thrilled to receive something insertable. So, without further ado, I took out the Kurve and tried to turn it on. It was harder than I anticipated. The Kurve's claim to fame is its patented Treble and Bass dual motor, the two halves working in tandem to create a customizable vibration. I pressed what looked like the "on" button for a few seconds, and nothing happened. I tried again. Nothing. I flipped through the instruction manual, hoping for enlightenment, but the diagrams were impossible to decipher (seriously, is it so hard to add text to a manual?). After about five desperate minutes, I pulled up the Hot Octopuss website where the toy's page explained plainly how to get those motors running. As instructed, I held both plus buttons for two seconds, and finally, the dual motors whirred to life.

I started playing around with the settings, trying to figure out which Treble and Bass vibration combo was best for me. There are many to choose from: with five patterns and 25-speed modes, the combinations seemed endless. I'm not really sure how to describe how they felt, either, to be honest. Other than... A lot. As the name suggests, the bass motor's vibrations were deep and internal while the Treble motor felt more surface level. Combined, though, it was a unique sensation that vibrated all the way through my hand and arm (a little unpleasantly, but totally manageable).

The effect on my arousal, however, was immediate. And though I'd anticipated needing lube (as I said, it had been a while since I used an internal vibrator!), my puss had no problem accommodating the vibrator's wide but soft, pliable head. The only issue: as I manoeuvred the Kurve between my legs my clit screamed out for stimulation. Don't get me wrong, the combination of vibrations felt amazing. I could have probably settled in for a marathon session, just me and this toy, for well over an hour, but (like most people), I didn't have all day. And like most vagina-havers, I cannot orgasm without clitoral stimulation, and in my excitement to use a G-spot vibrator, I kind of forgot that. Luckily for me, I had a bullet charged and waiting for me. So, I just added it to the mix.

The Amo is a perfect bullet. I don't say this lightly. When combined with the Kurve, I felt like I ascended to another plane. I'm usually nervous about using bullets because my clit can also be easily overstimulated from direct contact (she's sensitive, okay?) but still needs attention to get to the finish line. However, Amo's strategically shaped curves nestle right where they are supposed to without being too much too soon. That said, the motor is shockingly powerful for such a small thing. I turned the setting up a notch, only to turn it right back down because, honestly, I didn't need it. The lowest vibration took my pleasure over the top, while I continued to use the Kurve internally, leading me to a heart-pounding, full-body orgasm. Talk about dual pleasure! The only downside was that my double-fisting of vibes required so much coordination it actually left me out of breath. But honestly, it was worth it. It just means I can count it as my cardio for the day, right?

All in all, these vibrators were a win, and together, they created a perfect vibrator that got my 'octopuss' thoroughly hot (I'm sorry, I had to say it once!). Try yours now while it's 25% off, and get yours — no tentacles in sight.