Sabrina The Teenage Witch's Boyfriends Were The WORST

Photo: Courtesy of CBS.
There have been quite a few shows about witches throughout the history of television: I Dream of Jeannie, Bewitched, and Charmed. But perhaps the most underrated one is Sabrina the Teenage Witch.

From 1996 to 2003, Sabrina the Teenage Witch ruled the airwaves. Melissa Joan Hart jumped straight from Clarissa Explains It All to Sabrina and secured a permanent place in our hearts.

Unlike ordinary teenage girls, Sabrina Spellman was battling mean girls while also coming to terms with her secret powers. Through every challenge, a few things remained the same: There was always Salem the cat, a revolving door of BFFs, tons of costume changes, and her zany aunts, Hilda and Zelda.

But Sabrina also went through quite a few love interests. Throughout the show's seven seasons, she had seven. Some only stuck around for a single episode, a few for multiple story arcs, and one was her soulmate. But here's the thing: They were all kind of terrible.

Ahead, we look at everything right and (mostly) wrong with the guys Sabrina dated on Sabrina the Teenage Witch.
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Photo: Courtesy of CBS.
Chad Corey Dylan
Here's the problem with Chad Corey Dylan: He's fake. He's literally not a real person. When Sabrina didn't have a date for the school dance, her aunts felt bad for her, so they made her one. They grabbed some handfuls of "man dough" and after a very disturbing baking montage, he comes out super enthusiastic and ready to party!

Pros: He loves to dance, he thrives on enthusiasm, and he has nice eyebrows.

Cons: He likes Libby, he's made of dough, and he dies after four hours.
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Photo: Courtesy of CBS.
Dante
Sabrina dates Dante, a witch who knows absolutely nothing about the mortal realm. At first, Dante seems nice, but he quickly becomes a total douchebag.

Pros: He seems really chill and has a baby face. He also flies on a vacuum, which is pretty cool. Admit it.

Cons: He doesn't know how to use stairs, he hates mortals, and he's mean. How mean? He turned Harvey into a bowling pin and tried to hit him with a bowling ball.
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Photo: Courtesy of CBS.
Derek Axelrod
Derek is a fellow witch who lives in the mortal realm and goes to Boston College. Sure, he bonds with Salem, but it doesn't make up for his character.

Pros: He's a witch, so he understands Sabrina's struggles.

Cons: Derek's family harbors some pretty strong anti-mortal sentiments. Derek is also prejudiced against mortals. He even makes anti-mortal jokes. What is it with these witches hating morals? The worst part: He dresses like he's auditioning for a Savage Garden music video.
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Photo: Courtesy of CBS.
Dashiell Calzone
Dashiell was a dreamy half-mortal. He totally loved Sabrina, but after battling Harvey for her affections, it becomes quite clear that her heart belongs to Harvey Kinkle.

Pros: At the end of the day, Dashiell was probably the best guy she ever dated on the show. He was a total gentleman and super-cute.

Cons: His only real weaknesses were his horrible sense of fashion and his crappy uncle tried to ruin Sabrina's quiz master's reputation.
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Photo: Courtesy of CBS.
Aaron Jacobs
Can you believe that Sabrina almost married this guy? Gross. Aaron is mortal band promoter.

Pros: He has a nice enough face. He wears a leather jacket pretty well.

Cons: He's totally bland and he hates Salem. Also, Salem hates him, which is pretty damning. If that's not bad enough, his parents hate Sabrina and don't want them to get married. Lucky for the Jacobs family, Sabrina doesn't love Aaron at all. She was still hung up on Harvey Kinkle.
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Photo: Courtesy of CBS.
Josh Blackhart
It pains me to admit that Sabrina was actually interested in this guy at some point in her life. Josh is a mortal and was the manager of Bean There, Brewed That before becoming a photojournalist.

Pros: He really likes Sabrina. He tries to date her several times, but the timing is always off. He's also ambitious.

Cons: He wears ugly sweaters, dated her friend Morgan, is synonymous with the worst seasons of the show, and he actually wears a visor while playing poker. That should tell you everything you need to know about him.
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Photo: Everett Collection.
Harvey Kinkle
Harvey was Sabrina's high school sweetheart. In the end, it turns out that was her soulmate, too. They live happily ever after.

Pros: He has great feathered hair, a nice smile, and he's actually a nice person. He's like a friendly puppy, in human form.

Cons: He's an absolute idiot. Like, how does he go so long without figuring out she's a witch?! At times, it's hard to believe he finished high school. Harvey is boring and easily swayed by other people, like the time his dad made him date someone other than Sabrina. He also comes in and out of her life, always right when she's ready to move on to another guy.

Real talk: You can't pick who you love. But if Sabrina could, I wish that she'd pick Dashiell, instead.
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