The Gwyneth Paltrow Guide To Yawning

Photo: Courtesy of Gwyneth Paltrow.
Say what you will about Gwyneth Paltrow; she's certainly striving to help us live our best lives with her sage advice and product tips. See: Drinking from a thousand-dollar shot glass, investing in uterus cleanses, and shopping off her Christmas gift guide that's worth the gross national product of France. But, with her latest goop newsletter post, we have to wonder if maybe Gwyneth's just trolling us. Introducing the Gwyneth Paltrow guide to "maximizing your yawn."

That's right. First, she had us cleaning our reproductive organs with mugwort steam. Now she wants to help you yawn better. (Did you know you've been doing it wrong all this time? Oh. Well, you have.) During a recent late-night dinner with Michael Lear — "a wonderful yogi" — Gwyneth noted how Lear urged another guest not to suppress a yawn. After all, yawning is an absolutely crucial reflex for stress release and physical recalibration. And it turns out we're terrible at it.

Because you are a complete idiot who can't even fucking yawn right, Gwyn offers some advice from her yogi pal on how to "really lean into" that yawn. Lest you screw this up even worse, she's broken it down into two different kinds of yawns you should practice. Yawn #1 has five steps, while Yawn #2 adds two additional steps — you know, for advanced practitioners. In each scenario, you are advised to yawn eight to 10 times, "until tearing is induced."

You got that, people? If you're not crying, you're doing it wrong. As usual.

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