Hump, Marry, Kill TV Checklist: Mr. Wyatt Goes to Washington


Photo: Via Carol Kaelson/ABC; Photo: Via Mitchell Haaseth/NBC; Photo: Carin Baer

Hump: This week’s episode of Revenge was set in 2002; and I don’t know if the writers could have thrown it in our faces anymore. We get it, we used to listen to a rap song about finding 50 Cent in the club with bottles full of bub. Whatever. This isn’t the time to apologize for the musical stylings of the early part of the new millennium.
What it is time for is discussing is how much friggin' ass Emily Thorne (Emily VanCamp) kicked on this week’s episode. In 2002, she was still Amanda Clarke — the broken, angry daughter of a convicted terrorist and Ponzi schemer. It was kind of well, hot, to see Emily, who’s normally stoic verging on possibly dead, show some emotion. She wore Julia Roberts' knee-high boots from Pretty Woman, had bangs, and didn’t hesitate to beat the crap out of men in club bathrooms.
Revenge writers, if you’re reading this, can we see a little more of that Emily/Amanda from time to time? Thanks in advance.
Marry: Adam Scott always has an advantage in this category because he starred in one of the funniest shows of all time, Party Down (Hulu that sh*t like, yesterday, if you haven’t seen it), and he’s just an adorable little guy with a huge head. Now that he’s on Parks and Recreation, it’s like all of America is finally aboard the Adam Scott train with me.
His character, Ben Wyatt, gets made fun of for being nerdy and uptight, but I think someone who got himself elected mayor at the age of 18, only to promptly bankrupt the town, deserves to be slightly more cautious than the rest of us. And he finally overcame his past in the season finale when he was offered a campaign manager position in Washington. Atta boy, Ben! His undying love and support for Leslie (Amy Poehler) and her love of Pawnee makes my cold, cynical, New Yorker heart melt. If he didn’t live in Indiana, and was not a fictional character, I’d be all over that.
Kill: Everyone seemed to get all excited when they heard that Alicia Silverstone had been cast for a multi-episode arc on Suburgatory. Why? The show stars the one and only Jeremy Sisto (of party-in-the-Valley, Suck-and-Blow fame). The whole Internet plotzed over Cher and Elton reuniting and finally hooking up.
Hello? Am I the only one who thinks that idea reeks? (And that's definitely not anyone’s Designer Impostors perfume.) Remember how Elton basically tried to date rape Cher in a parking lot, so she jumped out and ended up getting mugged and ruining her Alaïa? And then Elton hooked up with Amber, who was total Hagsville, according to Christian. Not cool.
Even though Eden, Silverstone’s Suburgatory character, is nothing like Cher (and Sisto’s George Altman is no Elton, despite how similar their names sound), it’s still not a reunion I ever needed to see. Eden is a completely organic and all-natural Earth Mama who’s a little too holier-than-thou when it comes to those of us who don’t live a granola lifestyle. Plus, her surrogate plot-line on the show is kind of creepy. I would be totally fine if we saw her only sporadically...or never. (Way harsh, I know.)

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