A Week In Northern California On A $109,000 Salary

Occupation: Project manager
Industry: Energy
Age: 34
Location: Northern California
Salary: $109,000 + 15% annual bonus; spouse’s salary is $166,000. We split fixed bills on a ratio of our base salaries so I pay 40% toward fixed costs (outside of that, our finances aren’t combined at all).
Assets: House: $570,000; car: $30,000; truck: $50,000; camper: $25,000; various savings/retirement accounts: $725,000 (it’s a bit of a scattershot so I don’t want to list them all but I have a mix of Roth and traditional 401(k) savings, including an IRA and employer 401(k), and my husband has a TSP and brokerage account. He’ll also receive a pension when he retires. We have $400,000 liquid in a brokerage that has gained an average 13% annually).
Debt: House: $230,000; car: $8,000; truck: $25,000.
Paycheck amount (2x/month): $2,600 (I max out my 401(k) so that’s automatically deducted, and I’m on my husband’s insurance).
Pronouns: She/her

Monthly Expenses

Housing costs: $1,450
Loan payments: $425 car payment; $1,500 truck payment (we pay well above the monthly payment to pay it off quicker).
Daycare: $815 (we have a subsidy through my husband’s work that pays for over half the cost).
Phone: $80 (I get an $80 stipend from work that covers my half).
Electric: $300 (12-month average).
Internet: $80
Utilities: $110
Roth IRAs: $1,080
529 College Fund: $300
Gas: $100
Subscriptions: $25 (various media).
Donations: $100

Was there an expectation for you to attend higher education? Did you participate in any form of higher education? If yes, how did you pay for it?
No expectation from my family but there was peer pressure. My friends in high school came from far more affluent families than mine. I was ashamed of my background and did everything I could to keep up with them. Senior year when they all started looking at colleges, I did everything in my power to keep my grades sky-high and join clubs and organizations to beef up my college applications. I went to a state college and a few years after graduating I got my MBA. During undergrad I had at least two jobs at any given time and paid for the majority of school with scholarships and out of pocket. I graduated with $9,000 in student loans. I paid that off over the course of three years and then paid for my MBA out of pocket.

Growing up, what kind of conversations did you have about money? Did your parent(s)/guardian(s) educate you about finances?
Money was a hot-button issue in my house. I was privy to conversations I probably shouldn’t have been. My parents were not good with money and relied mainly on social welfare programs, churches and my grandparents and extended family to support them. I was constantly stressed about shoes and clothes not fitting and being afraid to ask for new ones, having to move for the umpteenth time because we couldn’t make rent, not being included in school functions because we couldn’t afford the cost, etc. And no, my parents did not educate me about finances other than “debt is bad.”

What was your first job and why did you get it?
My first under-the-table job, I was 14 and I was hired to do some filing for the bookkeeper my older sister worked for as an office assistant. I made $200 a week (for 40 hours of work), which I thought was amazing. My parents let me keep half of it (see above re: They were not good with money). I spent my earnings on school clothes. I got my first “real” job at 15 and a half, working in the fitting room at a department store.

Did you worry about money growing up?
Very much so. Way too much for a child.

Do you worry about money now?
I wouldn’t use the word “worry.” I’m easily employable with high earning power and my husband’s job is extremely stable. We live well, well beneath our means. My considerations regarding money center around when I can retire. I would like to do that sooner rather than later.

At what age did you become financially responsible for yourself and do you have a financial safety net?
When I turned 18 my mom started charging me rent. I didn’t have a job at the time because I was still in high school and taking every AP course I could to try to save money in college, so she was showing me the door. I moved in with my older boyfriend but the joke was on me: I didn’t have the money to pay for the AP tests so I couldn’t get the college credit anyway. I would say I have a safety net that my husband and I have worked hard to create. If I lost my job tomorrow, we’d need to make some adjustments but we could live comfortably on his salary alone while I evaluated my options. I feel extremely fortunate to be in that position.

Do you or have you ever received passive or inherited income? If yes, please explain.
No.

5:30 a.m. — My 4-month-old, R., is giggling in her bassinet. I groggily open my eyes and sneak around her line of sight to pee before feeding her. My husband, A., has already left for work. He is seven days into a two-week training for work that requires him to leave at 5 a.m. and get home at 8 p.m. I feed R. and we get a short nap in before I have to get up and get us both ready for daycare and work.

8:30 a.m. — After dropping R. off at daycare I’m just now sitting down at my desk to start the work day. I have a very heavy workload and a fast-paced job so I’m thrown right in. I sip my coffee, eat a Perfect Bar and spend the first 45 minutes of my day answering urgent emails and creating my to-do list for the day to dovetail with my weekly/monthly priorities. I have several calls and meetings today and I’m fitting in prep time throughout the day to work around my pumping schedule. I have to breast-pump three times a day to keep up my supply so I pump at 9 a.m., 12 p.m. and 3 p.m.

12 p.m. — Second pumping session. I’m also wolfing down some leftovers I brought with me for lunch. Today has been relentless. I’m working on a huge project. Like, unprecedentedly huge for my company. Between this project and the constant training and mentorship I provide throughout the day to the rest of the project management team, I am fully engaged all day, every day. Even during pumping sessions, I end up having to take a call while I’m pumping and chewing.

5 p.m. — R. is down for her last nap of the day after I pick her up from daycare. I think she’s teething and she’s been extremely fussy since I picked her up. I’m mentally drained from the day but I need to feed myself so I throw together some ingredients in the fridge and end up with spaghetti and meatballs and a bagged salad. It’ll do. I know I have about 30 minutes before she’s back up and wanting to nurse/cuddle until bedtime.

9 p.m. — A. gets home and he’s beat. We say our hellos and goodnights. He goes to bed early to be up with the sun, and I stay up because I need to pump at 10 p.m. so I don’t wake up super engorged at 4 a.m. While I wait to pump, I clean the kitchen, load the dishwasher, do a load of cloth diapers and tidy up the living room. Once I pump, I do some “milk management” as I like to call it (filling and labeling bottles for tomorrow, freezing the extra), and then I fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow.

5:45 a.m. — Same routine. I wake up with the baby to feed her and we doze until 6:45 a.m. before getting ourselves ready to go. She’s in such a good mood this morning and it’s one of those hard mornings where I don’t want to take her to daycare at all. I just want to stay home and snuggle and sing songs and make each other smile.

9:30 a.m. — My boss is back from a conference and invites me on a walk around our work campus. Halfway through the walk she tells me she is leaving the company for a new job. I feign excitement for her but my blood runs cold and I’m immediately filled with dread. She brought me to this company two years ago when she poached me from my last job. We’ve worked together in some capacity for five years. She is a mentor, an amazing leader, and my friend. I immediately think I don’t want to be at this company without her. I congratulate her and we talk about her new role and our kids/pets/lives.

12 p.m. — Pumping/lunchtime. I have a short cry while I pump and eat a frozen burrito I brought from home. Some of the emotion is probably from residual hormones. But I’m still reeling from my conversation with my boss. She’s leaving for an amazing opportunity but I am gutted. I’m feeling weirdly adrift. I never saw myself in this industry but sort of fell into it and now I’m questioning everything. I take some time to check my email and see the daycare has sent over our first invoice. I send money to pay the bill, which is included in my monthly costs.

4 p.m. — I pick up R. She had a blowout and I discuss diaper sizing with her teachers. We cloth diaper at home and have never had a blowout but she blows out every single time when she poops in a disposable. I assure them I’ll bring in some larger disposable diapers ASAP. She’s still in the weight range for her current size but maybe the sizing is off. I feel so bad they’ve had to change so many blowouts already. I grab all her poopy clothes and empty bottles and bring a very sleepy baby home to nap.

7:30 p.m. — Bath night is my favorite. It’s easier when A. is here but it’s not so bad just the two of us. She loves the bath and it’s helping distract her from her fussiness. She’s usually such a chill baby so I think she’s cutting some teeth right now and that’s causing all the fuss. We get dried off, moisturized and into jammies before I read her a book and put her to bed at 7 p.m. A. is so sad he missed her when he gets home half an hour later. He tried to be home in time to see her. We chat about our days. He’s exhausted but listens to me cry about my boss. I scavenge for leftovers in the fridge to eat while we chat, then I clean the kitchen and throw cloth diapers in the wash and we watch something on TV while we fold baby clothes and diapers.

10 p.m. — Bedtime after my final pump of the evening. I’ll be so happy when I don’t have to pump anymore (but so sad when we wean completely).

5:30 a.m. — Baby girl eats her breakfast and then instead of dozing decides to be wide awake. We get an early start to the day and I take her to daycare early. Since it’s Friday I’ll work from home today. The daycare is right across the street so I’m planning to pick her up as early as I can to get a head start on the weekend. I get home and get one of the dogs loaded up into the car for her annual vet visit. When we get there, she’s absolutely bouncing off the walls. They take her picture to make her “pet of the week” for some reason and I’m like cool, do you all want her? Just kidding. I love this little kook. She gets her shots and I get a 12-month supply of heartworm and tick prevention meds. $664

9:30 a.m. — I’m at my desk at home with coffee and a Perfect Bar, and I’m having a hard time getting my head in the game. My boss calls a staff meeting to inform everyone of her departure. Now it feels very real. I spend half my morning coaching a less experienced PM on aspects of his job he should know by now. He’s on a PIP and he’s been very difficult to work with. I’m not a senior member of the team by title but I’m the most senior member of the team with the most experience so I’m constantly called on to train/mentor, I’m given the most difficult projects, the highest workload, etc. My boss has been working to get me promoted to a senior role and I’m waiting on a few more approvals for it to go through. I set myself a reminder to ask her about it on Monday once the dust has settled a bit from her announcement.

12 p.m. — I take a break from what I’m working on to pump at my desk and eat a frozen burrito. Surviving, not thriving this week. I’m normally better about planning real meals but it’s a weird week with A. gone.

4:15 p.m. — I’m late picking up R. and they’ve kept her awake for me. She’s so tired. I feel so bad. I get her home and she immediately naps. When she wakes up she’s the happiest baby. She giggles all night for me while I do silly things to elicit those baby laughs. I can’t get enough of them. I put her in her high chair while I make dinner and give her a crust of garlic bread to chew on. She was cleared a couple weeks ago by her pediatrician to start trying solid foods, and so far she’s had avocado, cucumber, banana, yogurt and bread.

7:30 p.m. — A. gets home after R.’s in bed again. He hasn’t gotten to see her in a week. I feel so bad for him. As hard as it is to be solo parenting, I’m grateful for the time I get with her and I know he wouldn’t choose this if he had any say. He goes in to watch her sleeping for a bit. I show him the videos and pictures I took of her before she went to bed so he can feel connected to her. Just one more week of this.

10:30 p.m. — I fall into bed and pass out immediately after the usual cleaning/pumping.

5:30 a.m. — Clearly nobody told this child it's Saturday. I notice when I pick R. up that her breathing is crackly. Some of the other babies at daycare have runny noses. I knew this day would come. We lazily nurse in bed and she dozes for another hour and a half while I kind of doze and periodically check my phone. I’m scrolling through LinkedIn jobs. Not looking, but not not looking. My work situation has been really top of mind lately. I switch to social media and see a woman I’m tangentially friends with has posted a photo of her infant daughter with emoji posted over her nipples. I’m immediately icked out. She’s a baby? Good lord.

12 p.m. — I’ve spent most of the day cleaning in between the baby’s sleep-eat-play routine. R. is wide awake and happy and I decide it’s a good time to dip her hand in blue paint and try to get her handprints on a Father’s Day card for A. It goes…pretty well. Cleaning her up goes less well and I definitely have to throw her onesie away. But we get it figured out. After I put her down for a nap I eat a banana and some yogurt for lunch and reheat the pot of coffee I made this morning. I’m still hungry so I eat some macadamia caramel clusters I got from Costco on our last big trip. These things are ridiculous.

4 p.m. — It’s been a good day of catching R. up on sleep and doing chores around the house. I’m all caught up with laundry and put together a meal plan and grocery list while she has her final nap of the day. I notice that I was charged for my three-month subscription for the dogs’ supplements from Amazon ($82.46) but they haven’t arrived so I check my Amazon account. For some reason they sent it to a friend’s address. When my dear friend had a baby a few months ago I sent her some gifts directly from Amazon and the subscription address must have updated. I reach out to customer service and they send me a replacement and get my address fixed. I text my friend that she’s welcome to give the supplements to her dog or donate them to a shelter. $82.46

7:15 p.m. — After the baby goes to bed I realize how hungry I am and I have no real plan for food. I scrounge around and decide to make my favorite: mac ‘n’ cheese. The dogs can hear the cheese grater and strategically place themselves around me in a furry comma as I grate, catching bits and bobs here and there. A. comes home as I’m making the roux. He’s exhausted but excited for the cheese. We eat bowls of mac ‘n’ cheese and watch The Roast of Tom Brady (or at least the beginning of it). A. goes to bed early again while I tidy up, clean up my kitchen mess and get a load of diapers in the wash.

10:30 p.m. — I actually used some glycolic acid and vitamin C on my face tonight, woo doggy. I tell myself that it’ll have an impact, even though I haven’t been at all consistent since the baby was born. I used to get Botox and had a nightly six-step skincare routine. Alas, I haven’t had much time for myself outside of basic hygiene lately.

5:45 a.m. — This has to be the most boring and routine Money Diary in existence. Feed baby. Doze with baby. Clean with baby. I used to have a life, I swear. And things are more balanced when A. isn’t at a crazy two-week training. Right now we’re just treading water and trying to stay alive, clean and employed.

8 a.m. — I haven’t mentioned the dogs much but they are begging me for food. To say their lives have changed since the baby was born is an understatement. Don’t worry, they’re still fed and watered. But they used to get a lot more walks with me. A. takes them on morning runs four or five days a week but not during his training, so they have been bouncing off the walls with pent-up energy. I feel so guilty. I decide to take them to doggy daycare tomorrow. For now, they’ll have to settle for having a ball thrown around for them in the backyard during one of R.’s naps.

10:30 a.m. — When R. wakes up from her nap I change her, nurse her and then get her in her car seat to go to the grocery store. I have the list strategically planned so we’re in and out in 25 minutes with ingredients for meals for the week ($85.66). She charms everyone she sees with big smiles. When we get home I’m surprisingly exhausted. I get the food put away while she does tummy time on a blanket in the kitchen and I drink the biggest glass of water. I think the solo parenting and emotional/mental drain of work from the week is hitting me. $85.66

4:30 p.m. — R. is down for her last nap of the day. I listen to an episode of Severed: the Ultimate Severance Podcast while I chop garlic for a carnitas marinade. It’s an episode recap podcast of the show Severance. I’ve become completely obsessed with this show and needed more content so I’ve been working through the podcast in my free time. While I’m listening I purchase the items in my Amazon cart: a kick and play piano (R. loves the one at daycare) and a few bamboo rompers ($69.47). As I’m putting some pork into the Instant Pot, I get a text from one of my friends asking how the first few weeks of daycare have gone. She’s so sweet. We text back and forth a bit. She and her wife are coming over for dinner in a couple weeks. It’s our first time hosting for dinner since the baby was born and since we remodeled our kitchen, so we’re pulling out all the stops (well, A. is. He’s the cook of the family). $69.47

7:30 p.m. — A. comes home after R. is in bed and we eat carnitas tacos and watch Franklin. It’s…fine. We’re about four episodes in (it’s taken us a month to get this far because we so rarely have time to watch a show together). A. used to teach US history so he loves it. I’m indifferent but it’s fine background to fold baby clothes to.

10:30 p.m. — Typical rigmarole of the evening (cleaning, pumping, packing, primping) and I pass out as soon as possible.

5:45 a.m. — I’ll spare you all the monotony. Typical morning, coffee and yogurt at my desk after dropping the baby at daycare.

10:30 a.m. — I’m seeing red. My boss called me into her office and I could tell she had something she didn’t want to tell me. She checked on the status of my promotion. It was approved by three layers of leaders but when it got to HR they determined that I don’t have the years of experience to qualify for a “senior” title. So they aren’t going to approve the promotion. I’m essentially being told that I don’t qualify for a job that I’m already performing. I’m livid. I thank my boss for everything she’s done to try to push this along; she’s clearly angry on my behalf. She’s negotiated for them to raise my pay by $10,000 a year effective next pay cycle, which is a consolation prize. I have been carrying this team on my back for the past year but a technicality is clipping my wings.

2:30 p.m. — I had several meetings today in the office but came home as soon as I was able. I need a little time to recalibrate and feel my anger before picking up R. There are several things I should be seeing to for work right now but my motivation is at exactly zero. My boss calls to chat because she knows how angry I am. She’s tiptoeing around something and I drag it out of her. There’s a position at the company she’s going to and she thinks I’d be a good fit. She doesn’t want to pressure me into it but she is encouraging me to apply if I think that it would be a good fit for me. I tell her I’ll take a look. I decide to spend the rest of the afternoon updating my résumé. I call my husband to vent about the situation.

4 p.m. — I pick R. up after I’ve had some time to calm down. She’s in a great mood and the baby cuddles and giggles recharge my battery. Every day I’m feeling a bit more eroded from doing it all on my own, and now this work situation, but I never feel upset or angry with her. She gives me motivation to be better. I think about my career and motherhood, and the perfect balance I’m trying to strike. It’s so challenging and as much as society talks about it, I wish we talked about it more.

7:15 p.m. — I have several texts to catch up on since the evening/bathtime/bedtime routine with R. I try not to have my phone around when I’m with her in the evenings because we get so little time together every day, so I typically have quite a bit to catch up on when she goes to bed. I prioritize food (leftover carnitas, this time in nacho form!) and then catch up on texts. One is from my boss — I sent her my résumé to review and she tells me it looks great. The others are from various friends. I have an amazing group of girlfriends that I’ve known since childhood, and we’re all still very close. We haven’t seen each other in about a month so we have a ton to catch up on. I promise them we’ll hang out again soon when I have my life partner back from the clutches of his job.

10 p.m. — I pumped early tonight (may regret it in the morning if I wake up in a pool of milk) so I can go to bed early. I spent about an hour reviewing job postings and I have a few leads that I’m interested in pursuing, including the opportunity presented by my boss. While I pumped I scrolled Instagram and saw the cutest SPF 50 playsuit. I order R. two of them and a sun hat. $69.78

6:10 a.m. — What a gift from heaven this child is. She let me sleep in. We go through our typical routine (which is actually my favorite part of the day), and then we get up and moving. I take her to daycare at 7:45 a.m. because I have a hair appointment across town.

9:30 a.m. — Finishing up with my hair. I love my hair lady. I’ve been her client for seven years now and I just love chatting with her and getting some me time. I needed this. With tip, it comes out to $330 for a cut and highlights. I feel refreshed and head into the office to take an in-person meeting. This meeting required hours of prep work and so much coordination, and involved so many people. It goes super well and I’m proud of myself for my organization and coordination for such a successful outcome. I’m about 40% through the life cycle of this project and I’m so far ahead of schedule. I head home to work from home the rest of the day. $330

11:30 a.m. — My boss and I have a call to discuss a couple of my complex projects. She tells me that her new boss asked if she had any recommendations to fill out their team, and she mentioned me. He asked if he could see my résumé and so she asks if I’m okay if she sends it to him. I give her the go-ahead.

12:30 p.m. — Today was A.’s last day of training and he got to come home early. R. is still at daycare and I move some things around so I can take the afternoon off. We’ve barely seen each other for two weeks and I miss him. We go to lunch at our favorite deli and chat about our weeks, since we haven’t had a lot of time to catch up. It’s really nice to get some one-on-one time. We go home and have some private one-on-one time before it's time to pick up R. $29.37

4 p.m. — A. does pick-up so I can finish a nap and he has a Father's Day present from R. waiting for him. Her teachers helped her put together a little art gift for him. It’s so cute. I can’t wait to give him our gifts. R. got him a new razor (what a thoughtful baby). And I’m taking him out to lunch and to get a couple’s massage the day after Father’s Day. We’re taking the day off together since we’ve been so busy and have had zero time to connect. I’m so excited for a day off to get a massage, it’s honestly a present for me, too. While I’m waiting for A. and R. to get home, I check my email and see a new email from a name I don’t know. It’s my boss’ new company. They want to set up an interview. That was fast! I internally freak out and decide not to respond right away. I need a little bit of time to digest.

7 p.m. — It’s been kind of a miserable night. R. has been so temperamental, which isn’t like her at all, and I think between her first daycare cold (her nose has been leaking like a sieve for the last several days) and what I think may be teething, she’s just having a hard time. I feel so bad for her. She just wanted to nurse and snuggle all evening so I haven’t had much time/space to myself. Once she goes down for the night, I head to the porch to eat dinner and listen to a podcast while I watch the sun turn the clouds from white to pink. The way the leaves of the trees are illuminated by the pink cast makes me feel weirdly hopeful. Whatever is to come, I know I’ll be alright.

11:45 p.m. — I stay up WAY too late and I know I’ll regret it tomorrow but I’m too keyed up thinking about work stuff. After my last pump I had a couple fingers of whiskey and now I’m going down all the rabbit holes. But it’s time for some rest. I’ll figure out how to rule the world tomorrow.

Weekly Total $$ Spent: $1330.74
Food & Drink: $115.03
Entertainment: $0.00
Home & Health: $746.46
Clothes & Beauty $469.25
Transportation $0.00
Other $0.00