The Shiny-Hair Secret No One Is Talking About

überlube_IMG_0024Photographed by Nicolas Bloise.
There are many things lube is known as being good for — like making sexy-time more enjoyable, longer-lasting, and pretty awesome in general. One thing it's not known for? Being an anti-frizz treatment.
Well, according to Überlube (I swear I'm not making that up), we're all missing out. The brand claims its silicone-based lubricant is an overachiever in and out of the bedroom. In addition to getting your bits all slip 'n slide-y, it's also supposedly the secret stylist trick for smoothing frizz and flyaways. Oh, and you can rub it on your skin when exercising to prevent chafing. It's a true Renaissance lube. The James Franco of lubes, if you will.
As an intrepid beauty reporter, and someone who's oddly game to try the most bizarre things, I had to test out those claims. Well, two of them: I'll do a lot for you guys, but there's no force on this Earth, save for the zombie apocalypse, that's going to get me to take up running regularly. Even I have my limits.
Of course, my experiment needed a control. So, I also picked up a bottle of good ol' Astroglide. Side note: I definitely got a lot of strange stares from people who walked by my desk and saw those two bottles prominently on display among the usual array of lotions, potions, and face spritzes.
First up: Überlube. Its glass container looks discreet and classier than the usual fare — well, aside from the giant, white letters proclaiming its not-too-discreet name. So, it wasn't something I felt weird about keeping in my bathroom. (Tangent: Where does one keep a multi-use product of this nature? The bedroom? The bathroom? So many questions.) I'm not sure that glass is very practical for the bedroom, though, what with slippery, fumbling hands and the dark.
Überlube, $18, available at Überlube.
überlube_MG_2047Photographed by Nicolas Bloise.
I pumped out a few squirts, and I'm pleased to report it has the same consistency as many of the anti-frizz serums I'm used to. Makes sense, since many of them also use silicone for that smoothing effect. I rubbed the product between my palms and then grabbed my hair, sliding my hands down its shaft. (Wait, why does this all of a sudden sound like Fifty Shades of Grey? I'm never going to be able to write a hair story again without giggling like a 15-year-old boy, am I? Shaft.)
Okay, moving on. As the liquid glided over my frizzy, air-dried strands, I immediately noticed how smooth it made them. It made my hair glossy, but not weighed-down, lifeless, or greasy-looking — a common problem I have with anti-frizz serums. This stuff felt soft, looked shiny, and didn't leave behind sticky residue. And, it disappeared without a trace when I shampooed it out.
Which is interesting, because according to Babeland's tips for choosing a lubricant, the silicone-based kinds are known for being harder to wash off than water-based types. That brings me to my next point: If you plan on using this for your sexual escapades, note that silicone lubes, while safe with condoms and internally, shouldn't mingle with silicone sex toys. As a former Babeland employee told me, "Silicone-on-silicone action is not good for anyone involved." The more you know.
Astroglide_IMG_0026Photographed by Tory Rust.
After my success with Überlube, I was mildly less apprehensive about testing Astroglide. Mildly. I washed my hair and let it air-dry, and then squirted the Astroglide into the palm of my hand. The goo globbed onto my skin as the bottle let out an unappealing sucking sound.
Because it's water-based, it didn't feel as much like my other hair products as Überlube did. While Überlube felt like a serum or oil, Astroglide was watery and runny. It certainly lived up to its messy reputation. I bravely soldiered on, rubbing it between my palms and smoothing it over the mid-lengths and ends of my strands. And then, I watched in horror as my hair went from kind of frizzy to greasy and clumpy.
Astroglide Personal Lubricant, $9.99, available at
astroglide_IMG_9976Photographed by Tory Rust.
The Astroglide caused my hair to stick together into stringy chunks of gooed-up grossness. Whenever I touched it to try to un-clump it, I got my hands full of residue. During lunch, I made the mistake of moving my hair out of the way before trying to bite into my sandwich, and I was immediately repulsed by the slick feeling on my skin. The sandwich went in the trash, along with my appetite.
While I had gone to sleep with the Überlube still in, the minute I got home from work, I jumped in the shower to get rid of the Astroglide. I shampooed twice before I felt like every last bit was truly gone. And then, I washed it again the next morning, just to be safe.
The main lesson I learned from this experiment: I need to stop volunteering for this stuff. Another important lesson? Lube does not make a good hair product. Yes, I really liked how Überlube felt: I actually use it regularly now, and my hair looks shiny and soft. That said, I don't think I could ever be okay with using it for both of its advertised purposes. Psychologically, there's just something strange about applying something to your hair that you used the night before in your bedroom — and it makes me feel, for lack of a better word, icky.
If that doesn't bother you, then congrats, because you're more mature than I am. If it does, then I still think you should give it a try. I recommend keeping it far away from your bed, so you don't get any unfortunate associations. And, remember: Just because you can make it multi-use doesn't mean it's a good idea. Yup, I'm throwing shade at you, Snuggie, edible underwear, and iPhone hair brush. Pick one thing, and be really good at it — let's not get greedy.

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