To allies old and new, subjects of the realm, and foes soon to meet their defeat,
Seven Hells, this has been the winter of our discontent. And, it shows no signs of abating. Our secure seat atop the Iron Throne felt blessed by the Faith of the Seven when we defeated our rivals in the North at the Red Wedding. Jaime's return — albeit in a form less than whole — saw Lord Tywin's three descendants alive and reunited in King's Landing. Even Cersei allowed a rare smile after she and her twin brother rekindled their close sibling bond. Those two never did like to be kept apart.
Unfortunately, our happiness was short-lived, much like Tyrion will soon be. A traitor brought about King Joffrey's demise at his wedding to Margaery of House Tyrell. After an abbreviated mourning period, Cersei's younger son Tommen, rightful heir to the throne, soon began his ascendancy. For this, we thank both the old gods and the new.
The matter of justice still remained at hand. Who had poisoned the cup of the rightful ruler of Westeros? Cersei was quick to finger her own brother, Tyrion, whose character would be assassinated at his trial. Never one to pass up additional ridicule, Tyrion requested his fate be determined through trial by combat. Some of us never learn.
Even the most skilled hired swordsman with a sworn vendetta against our family proved to be no match for The Mountain. Oberyn Martell was slain at the hands of Gregor Clegane, and our traitorous brother should be sitting in prison awaiting execution for regicide.
It was only then that Jaime revealed his latent desire to take the reins as the family's resident troublemaker now that his younger brother, the ever-inebriated imp, would no longer serve this purpose. Clearly bewitched into believing Tyrion's proclaimed innocence, Jaime freed him from jail, which set off a killing spree. Tyrion added patricide alongside regicide onto the list of crimes for which he will be forced to answer to the Seven. Let us not forget his original crime of matricide as well, committed upon his dastardly entrance into the world.
To reiterate: It has been a tough winter for our family. One that found us ripped apart, reunited, and then destroyed forever due to Tyrion and Jaime's actions. You might be wondering why it is with this horrible and ruinous news we send out a mass missive to friend and foe alike. It is because we need to request all of your services.
Sansa Stark and Littlefinger remain at large, and we are prepared to offer a great sum of gold for news of their whereabouts. Think long and hard about this extension of our gratitude, as it is not one that comes every day. And remember this: A Lannister always pays his debts.
Yours in prosperity and a hope for summer,