This Machine Is Here To Ruin Your House Parties

Photo: Courtesy of Bakes Royale.
When you come over to my place for a house party, you won't find a fancy cocktail list, but you will find plenty of Jell-O shots. The mini, spiked, jiggly treats have always been the one thing  I could offer my guests that some local, hyper-cool bar couldn't. Sadly, that is all about to change.  

Jevo, “The World’s First Fully-Automated Jell-O and Edible Shot Maker” is the Keurig of the gelatin world. It brings Jell-O shots to your local restaurants, bars, and casinos via a large, pod-eating, shot-producing behemoth. It also comes equipped with Wi-Fi and display screens for ads. (Admittedly, I am a bit confused about the Wi-Fi part. Can you email in your Jell-O shot orders?) 

The machine is the brainchild of a company based in Portland, an area of the United States known more for artisanal products than mass-produced hangovers. It’s simple to use: Place a flavored pod into the machine and wait 10 minutes while it produces 20 shots.

Um, 10 minutes? That’s equivalent to, like, a kadrillion years when you want to take a shot! Tell you what — come over to my place, and you can have 10 Jell-O shots in two minutes. I can't take a Wi-Fi order, but I won't charge you (much). Don't be expecting any fancy flavors like Banana Cream Pie, Pina Colada, or Celebration Cake, though.       
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