Dr. Veronica Medina, Doctor of Organizational Psychology, Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor
Before you make any moves, I suggest you have a meeting with your supervisor to discuss your concerns. As intimidating as this sounds under the present circumstances, you’ll feel more comfortable if you go in as if you two are colleagues and equals, instead of with the uncomfortable and awkward dynamic she’s created. The most important thing to remember is this: The current dynamic was created by your supervisor, not you, and it points to her failure in leadership effectiveness — not any perceived character flaw of yours.
Outline An Ideal Outcome
The best-case scenario is that you talk it out and she is so impressed by your assertive problem-solving skills that you get into your boss’ inner circle, she high-fives you in hallways, and shouts out, “There she is!” whenever you walk into a meeting. Worst-case scenario is that you address your discomfort by recreating Beyoncé’s "Why Don't You Love Me?" video, leaving your boss so confused and uncomfortable that she reports you to HR. Though the latter would be fun and might even get you transferred, let’s not go there. Remember: Your No. 1 goal is to improve your working relationship. Remain calm and display confidence as you communicate your concerns.
Stay Focused On Your Goals During The Conversation
You might feel tempted to point out all of the times she’s made you feel bad, but the most productive use of your time would be to thank her for the kind review, then say you’re glad to be a part of the team and want to know if there’s anything you can do to be a more integral part of it. In other words, be positive; a laundry list of times you've been wronged isn't going to make anyone feel better.
Get In The In-Crowd
Make an effort to talk to your peers — even the ones you feel are getting the preferential treatment. If you’re feeling left out of the office camaraderie, it's important to start working on developing relationships with your colleagues. It's likely that you spend most of your time in the office, so as long as you have a few pleasant relationships, the environment overall will feel less tense.