“It’s good to be here, in my basement, under strict quarantine,” Davidson told “Weekend Update” host Colin Jost via video chat. “I’m not going near my mom or even answering her texts.”
Davidson continued on to explain NYC’s Health Department guidelines around hooking up during the pandemic, which include washing your hands before and after masturbation and using condoms. You know, pretty standard stuff. But then, Davidson pointed out some cringe-inducing verbiage around what he referred to as "hiney smoocheroos." We’ll let you fill in the blanks, because NBC wouldn’t even allow the language on air.
“You’re either having the most sex of your life or you’re like me and can now identify any pornstar by the back of her head,” Davidson joked with Jost, after calling him “one of the lucky ones” for isolating with Scarlett Johansson.
He’s not the only person going stir crazy, though. Adam Sandler joined Davidson remotely in the video, and revealed that he’s passing the time by petting his dog with a baseball mitt, refusing to kiss his wife, and baking bread that “tastes like shit.” Sandler’s portion also features a hilarious Rob Schneider cameo.
The song is a bop, and, no, we can’t believe we just said that either. Quarantine is really getting to us all.
COVID-19 has been declared a global pandemic. Go to the CDC website for the latest information on symptoms, prevention, and other resources.