Folks I know it's confusing to hear that this is an American Horror Story recap. Hell, you probably don't know if you're going to hear about the Ryan Murphy cult show or the dang presidential debate! Both were filled with twists and turns, and unfortunately only one can end in murder. We've been promised a major twist in this, the sixth episode of the sixth season. The show opens, taking the previous five episodes as real within the reality of the show. My Roanoke Nightmare was a major hit in the show universe. Now Sid, the producer, is pitching a second season. The premise for Return to Roanoke is that the actors and the real life people they represent return to the house and live there three nights during a blood moon. Great idea. Not only that, but they could solve Mason's murder and make "football money at a fraction of the cost." The early twist is that Shelby Miller doesn't want anything to do with it. She's separated from Matt, after the show drove a wedge between them. A fling with Dominic, the actor that played Matt, divided them fully. She's going to win her husband back. Little does she know that Dominic will be there too. Twist #2, if you're counting. After Sid and Diana, his co-producer, are checking out the jump scares baked into the house when, in the third twist, they find a ring of fetal pigs arranged behind a tree. Not, like, the most amazing sign. Agnes Mary Winstead, the actress that played the Butcher, seems to have fallen a little too deeply into the role. In the fourth and fifth twists, we see that Sid serves her with a restraining order and she apparently had a mental breakdown. That included stealing props from the set and turning into the Butcher on Hollywood Boulevard. Oh, and again as Sid and Diana are leaving. The woman has gone crazy. Or been possessed. Whichever. Our next stop on the character reintroduction train is Lee. She's on E! telling the anchor that she wants to defend herself against the charge that she killed her ex-husband, Mason, when at the house the first time. The show seemingly keeps seeping into reality; we learn that Monae, who played Lee, has developed a major drinking problem. Sixth twist! Back at the set, we get the seventh twist. A crewmember dies in a horrific saw accident. Diana takes this as license to get the hell out of Roanoke. Unfortunately, in the eighth twist, the witch appears in the road and the pig man shows up in the car to, like, murder the shit out of her. In the ninth twist, Shelby actress Audrey Tindall has married Edward Mott actor Rory. She's obsessed by his youth, he's obsessed with her accent. What could go wrong? Murder. That's what. But first we have to get to the house. The tenth twist is that Agnes, the Butcher, smashes the window and things immediately start going insanely wrong. Lee hates Shelby, Matt doesn't want to see Shelby, everyone is sure that they're faking and then — bam — 10th twist. The title card announces that everyone died except for one person. This is the found footage, the documentary never aired. Is this the first true twist? No, we've had ten of them. Keep up. Dominic, heretofore unseen, bangs on the door just as Matt and Shelby are plotting their escape from a house that they're sure will kill them. That's the 11th twist, but who's counting? Matt and Dominic roll around on the floor before everyone separates them. Audrey, who's showering, comes out of the shower to find the 12th twist. That comes in the form of the pig man. She flees downstairs and into Dominic's arms. Rory, ever the gallant husband, runs upstairs and gets murdered by the nurse sisters. That's right — the 13th twist! How do we know that Rory is dead? "Murder" appears once again on the wall, this time with an R for Rory. Matt helpfully announces that fact and the episode ends. Dun-dun-dun. Very sinister.