Robert, oh Robert. How petty art thou? Let us count the ways. In Divorce's second episode, Frances is trying her hardest to get back into Robert's good graces. And therefore, I felt this episode would best be recapped by rounding up Robert's pettiest moments, because his anger toward Frances has his pettiness levels at 100. He is not letting Frances back into his life — or the house — without a fight. And while I did feel badly for both Frances and the kids, I had to admit, Robert's immature antics gave me quite a few chuckles.
So I present you with: The 8 Pettiest Robert Moments In Episode 2 Of Divorce 1. When Frances finally makes her way into the house (thank goodness for her daughter wondering why her mother is standing outside in the snow), she barges into the bathroom. She's greeted by Robert, who is clearly not doing anything, but asks what Frances would have done if he was "shitting." This is our first clue that Robert's contempt is on high. 2. Robert agrees to talk to Frances — but says that they need to go out on to the porch to avoid "alarming the children" (a phrase that he'll use quite a few times this episode). But as soon as Frances reaches the porch, Robert locks her out yet again, because "at this particular time," that's how he's "comfortable" communicating with her. He then pretends he can't hear her through the glass. A kid, I tell ya! 3. As Frances tries to plead her case through the porch door, she tells him that she regrets what happened with "What's His Face." Robert quickly reminds her that her lover's name is Julian. Loudly. Twice. 4. After walking the kids to their bus stop, Frances returns to find her belongings — a small suitcase and a bag — placed on the porch. The front door is still locked and Robert drives away, tooting his horn. If that were me, I almost would have preferred that he just throw my stuff out the window. 5. Stuck without a cell phone, Frances asks a neighbor to use their phone. She calls Robert at work, who answers, "Who is this, please?" even though he clearly knows his wife's voice. Throughout the call, he continuously talks to his coworkers loudly and makes noise with his hammer and drill. (Reminds me of when my ex-boyfriend would call and I'd pretend I had a terrible connection.) He then tells Frances where she can find her purse: in the backyard, inside a trash can that "may or may not" include a banana peel. Robert ain't playin' no games, y'all. 6. Coincidentally, Robert shows up at the hospital at the same time as Frances to see their friend Nick — you might remember that he's in a coma after the party incident. When Frances' friends, Diane and Dallas, try to talk to Robert, he's rude to them, too, asking if they all sat around and laughed at him while Frances told them stories of giving...um, fellatio to her lover. This all happens while everyone is standing over bedridden, in-a-coma Nick. Poor guy.
7. On the way out of the hospital, Robert tells Frances that he's going to pick the kids up from school — and let them know she's divorcing him. ("Before they hear it on the streets," he throws in.) That prompts Frances to try to match his petty, speeding off to school to try to get to them first. The kids are super-confused: Why are you both here?, they wonder. But Frances wins this one, because she has Diane's dog with her. The kids think the dog is for them, so they forget all about the confusion to hop into her car. 8. When Robert and Frances finally do make it home to talk, he makes her wait until he finishes his bowl of soup, which he's loudly slurping without a spoon. LOL. This reminds me of something I would do if I was mad at my boyfriend (okay, fine, if I had a boyfriend). And when they finally talk, Robert has a smart answer for everything, rambling about his own job, then cutting Frances off when she tries to talk about her plans for opening her own gallery. Number of fucks Robert gives? Zero. At the end of the episode, however, we finally get a glimpse into why Robert is going so hard with the bitterness: He admits to Frances that he knows that if things had been great between them, she wouldn't have cheated. He's obviously very hurt, because the last scene of the episode is him googling his wife's lover, Julian. Careful, Robert. Google is a verrrrry dangerous road. I may or may not know from experience. Will Robert's petty streak continue? Is Frances capable of reaching the same petty heights? We'll find out next week. See you then!