Vengeance The Only Answer After Psychopath Kidnaps LaCroix

Tragedy struck on September 6 as a Portland, Oregon resident's Tangerine LaCroix was stolen from their car. The Portlander sought the return of his prized beverage with a sign and note asking that it be reunited with its Pamplemousse sibling.


A photo posted by The Little Smith Farm (@living_with_the_smiths) on

First of all, this is horrific. Who would do such a thing? Probably an extremely hip person that didn't have $3. Second of all, the obvious endgame is that the kidnapping victim's family will go on a Man on Fire-style hunt for their missing beverage. We're talking Denzel Washington suppository bomb-level ruthlessness. Lots of people would have said Taken there, but Taken is child's play. You don't mess with someone's LaCroix. "Forgiveness is between them and God. It's my job to arrange the meeting." That type of stuff. The sign reads: "Missing: 12-Pack Tangerine LaCroix. No collar. Not microchipped. Was taken from my car on N. Central St. on the morning of 9/6. May be cold and scared. Skittish toward strangers; can be lured with Juanita’s Chips. His littermate, 12-Pack Pamplemousse LaCroix, misses him dearly as do his owners. Please contact me ASAP with any sightings."

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