Yes, Cocktails Made With Human Tears Exist

Photographed by Maria del Rio.
I think we all remember when you could send a bag of dicks to someone who had pissed you off. But what about when someone makes you sad? When a bag of gummy genitals doesn’t accurately reflect your mood or what you want to communicate, how about a bottle of your tears? Gift them to a person who has wronged you, and they can add them to their cocktail of choice to reflect on all the ways they have done you wrong. Sound like an insane and strange gift fantasy? We’ll, it’s not, because giving the gift of your tears might soon be a reality.

According to their website, artists Sam Bompas and Harry Parr will be hosting a workshop where they’ll "make bitters from your own pasteurized tears." They explain that there are three types of tears: basal, reflex, and psychic. In the workshop, they will "aim to extract all three by various methods" including "a monk brew (accompanied by an impassioned classical soundtrack to encourage the tears)." YES, THIS IS REAL.

I am not sure how I feel about this, but I guess with the gift-giving season coming up all bets are off. Also, it’s slightly less weird/creepy than giving someone a vial of your blood to wear around their neck (not naming names). In other, kind of related, news did you know that tears provoked by different emotions look totally different under a microscope? The world is a crazy place.

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