Oh, look. The November issue of Cosmopolitan has tips for acquiring an "epic ass." Finally, we'll be able to decrypt our man's "crazy mind tricks." And, hey, the Kardashians have been branded "America's first family." The magazine brags that it's pulled off the feat of gathering Kris Jenner and her five daughters for their first magazine cover in four years. All readers really seem to care about, however, is the fact that America already has a first family, and they live in the White House. Critics have been airing their grievances on social media, blasting the reality stars' "first family" distinction as "disrespectful," "gross," and "disgraceful." We also got a kick out of this comment on Facebook: "Go home Cosmopolitan, you're drunk." Of course, if Kanye West has his way, he and Kim could theoretically achieve actual FF status, with Kris ensconced in the Lincoln bedroom. Until then, the Kardashian/Jenner clan will have to settle for falling behind the Obamas, with Beyoncé and Jay Z running a close second. Fall back, folks.