Good Will Hunting
This is the scene that inspired this article, and it really can't be beat. If you have a college education, chances are you felt the sting of the above accusations in a slightly more personal way — but at least you didn't make that absolutely awful comment about taking your kids on a ski trip. The only thing more amazing than Matt Damon's youthful good looks and excellent takedown abilities is the impossible smugness exuded by the actor playing the ponytail guide. How do you like them apples?
Every ridiculously juvenile insult worth using is contained in these few minutes. Memorize them, or possibly consider getting them tattooed on your inner arm for easy reference.
Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back
There are a couple levels of pwnage in this scene, but in the end, Leia has the last word with that kiss. Talk about a conversation stopper...if she only knew what she were getting herself into!
The Breakfast Club
This scene is a little conflicting, because you really want Bender to punch the guy. But you gotta admit, it's a pretty killer speech. Though, we have to pay a little lip service to the ridiculous reenactment of this character in Not Another Teen Movie.
Possibly the most insightful moments from one of the most quotable movies of all time. We don't know about LiLo, but we are kind of in love with Janis. This moment is the epitome of the movie's generally excellent handling of teen-flick tropes with a poignant, relatable touch.
Full Metal Jacket
Totally brutal to the point of being laughable — as evidenced by that unfortunately stubborn grin at the end — this is the army-hazing scene to end all army-hazing scenes. Unfortunately, things don't get much better for Pyle.
There Will Be Blood
Choosing Daniel Day-Lewis' most gratifying takedown monologue is no easy task. Each is delivered with such gusto that you're afraid to choose, lest one of his other characters come and drag you across the floor to prove their superiority. So, to avoid some character hauntings, we're just going to say Daniel Day-Lewis is the takedown maestro.
The Witches of Eastwick
Like DDL, Jack Nicholson has had a lot of good screaming moments over the years, but this time, Cher takes the cake. Of course, it didn't quite end as easily, and as great, as the rest of the movie. We kind of wish she had just slapped him and walked out the door.
This movie carefully, gently, pulls layer after layer off the onion of suburban discontent — but in this scene, it's more like ripping off a Band–Aid. We've all had a fantasy about sticking it to the man in such a pronounced way, but honestly, it's not worth doing if you can't pull it off with the same dry irreverence as Kevin Spacey. So, when you're coming off a rough day, maybe just re-watch this bit again and let that be your satisfaction.
The Princess Bride
An empty threat can make for pretty words, but when you get so specific that you clarify exactly which parts of someone's face you're going to eviscerate, there's no doubting your sincerity.
Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory
The looming sense that Wonka was on the edge of hysteria came to fruition in a brilliant outburst of neurosis. Of course, Wonka abides by the fine print; of course, he's memorized it. Wonka's minute-long rant captures his entire character: a detail-oriented man on the verge of manic. Its brilliance lies in the fact that no insult or curse word is uttered. Even when putting someone in their rightful place, Wonka's ever the gentleman, "You lose! Good day, sir!" Brilliant.
All right, so it was between this scene and the lifeline-exercise takedown of Kitty Farmer. This one takes the cake for Donnie's sheer audacity bordering on cruelty and spit the truth to kids hoping to find the right path, courtesy of Patrick Swayze.
My Cousin Vinny
Marisa Tomei's performance might be one of the sassiest things ever captured on film. While we initially wanted to serve up her speech about the deer dipping its nose in the cool, clear water, we chose this instead, because she completely schools everyone who assumes a made-up lady like herself couldn't possibly know her way around an engine. The way she delivers that "however" is completely priceless.
When Harry Met Sally
We all have our post-break-up equivalents of singing "Surrey With the Fringe on Top" in front of Ira, but not all of us can turn uncontrollable shaking into such a hilarious rage. This isn't so much an insulting speech as it is a crazed rant, but it's still classic.
Short and sweet.