I should start off by saying I am a complete acrylic nail virgin, so getting talons like this was a big thing for me. I was intrigued by the pics on Instagram (including Kylie Jenner’s much-liked post) but when it came to trying them out, I was a bit apprehensive. But when a colleague hooked me up with an appointment, there was no turning back. I kept them on for just over a week, learning new skills (how to flush the loo) along the way. Here’s how I got on...
4pm: Leave work to go get my nails done at WAH London. They take two hours and I'm fascinated the entire time. Holli, the nail artist, has skills and the patience of a saint. I should mention that while doing my nails she was also bossing her own extra long turquoise jellies. In a nutshell, the process is the same as getting sculpted acrylics but drops of colour are added to the solution. They’re then moulded to my finger, left to dry and finished off with something glossy under a UV lamp. I also get some tips from Holli, namely: don’t open cans, be careful with the fridge, if you drop coins on the floor, you can forget about them. LOL.
6pm: Annnnd they’re done! I love them! All the girls in the shop loved the colour and kept coming over, desperate to see my lilac jellies – thus bringing out the diva I always knew existed inside of me. I leave feeling like a jelly-nailed goddess.
6.10pm: Arrive at the Tube station to discover I can no longer do things, have to get a TfL staff member to assist with taking my Oyster out of my wallet. Feeling less goddess-like.
7pm: Get home to a hungry boyfriend who now has to learn how to cook, pronto, as we’re absolutely ravenous and I cannot use my fingers anymore.
8.25pm: I should add that this is day two of my period – relevant, I promise, because I didn’t think about tampon insertion/removal and promptly have a little panic. Sit on the loo for a while and contemplate shouting for my boyfriend to come and give me a hand. Breathe and manage to remove the tampon. Even after nearly eight years of romance, I don’t think he’s ready for that.
11pm onwards: I sleep quite badly. I feel conscious of the nails, plus I tend to hold onto my socks in my hands when I sleep as a comfort thing (I know) and my new additions get in the way of my sleep ritual.
8.30am: Wake up and attempt to put on some jeans and a blouse; this takes 20 mins too long so have to rush out the flat to avoid being late for work.
9.30am(ish): Arrive at work to a sea of mixed emotions about my new lewk.
9.35am: Typing and using the mouse on my iMac is now not something I know how to do. So many typos.
10.12am: Loo break. My sister is a wearer of acrylics and warned me that a button flush (which luckily I do not have at home) will no longer be possible. She was quite correct. I am now having to use my finger knuckle to flush at work. It’s painful and this makes me nervous because I pee about five times an hour. Weep.
Also "Save for web" – a vital keyboard command on Photoshop, which I use on a very regular basis – is almost impossible. Fun times.
11am: Snack time and I have to ask a colleague to take the sticker off my apple.
12.30pm: Lunch. Another colleague has to open my container of sushi. What is life?
12.31pm: Eat my sushi with my nails, thus far the only practical help I’ve had from them.
2.30pm: Trip number 24 to the loo and my knuckle is now turning a lovely shade of purple.
3.30pm: Chat with some colleagues in the kitchen who are all huge fans of the nails. They don’t mind that they can see my own nail through the gel; I do. One suggests that maybe having a colour painted onto my real nail before the process could improve the look of them, which I have seen done on Insta (#jellynails) and do quite like the look of tbf.
4pm: A colleague forgets I have new nails and gets a shock when she spots them in our editorial meeting.
6pm: A drink with work friends. It feels good holding a wine glass with my jellies out – full of sass rn. I stay for two.
7.30pm: My boyfriend cooks again because I’m still without finger abilities and I’m also a little bit pissed so can only stand and observe (read: strongly advise).
8.30pm: In dire need of a hair wash and my additions make for a perfect head massage. Brushing through conditioner with my fingers never felt so damn good.
8.50pm: Look down at my jellies looking all see-through, clean and gorgey. Still feeling a tad extra wearing them to bed mind, especially in my scruffy Maroon 5 T-shirt (purchased in 2007, I promise!).
8.30am: Go for an easier outfit this am, leave for work on time.
9.30am: Sit down for my day. Typing still feels new to me; I’ve had to adopt an odd position with my fingers, spreading them wide and sort of bending the tips up? It’s strange and uncomfortable and produces all of the typos.
1pm: Lunch happens without any problems AND I discover that the nails are great for picking up eight popchips at a time. Winner winner.
3pm: Gah! The inevitable happens and I put some change down on the side in the kitchen. I can hear Holli in my head warning me but I insist on spending the next three mins attempting to pick the coins up with my fingers. No good. A quick little flick into my palms, walk off and pretend nothing happened. I can feel others in the kitchen staring in disappointment – no one with acrylics tries to pick up coins with their fingers, goddammit!
6pm: Leave the office to walk home (relieved I don’t have a Tube/bus commute as I’m still struggling with Oyster card removal from my wallet) and get tangled up/frustrated trying to plug my headphones into my phone. I’m still seeing the nails as cute, though, and find myself making even more hand movements than usual (I’m a huge handtalker already) when speaking to my sister on the phone, knowing I am getting plenty of nail appreciation from passersby.
7pm: I can now cook again yaaas. Getting well used to my talons, proud moment.
8.30pm: It’s time for some face TLC (I’ll be honest, this doesn’t happen very often). A wash and exfoliate is on the cards, and the nails don’t get in the way at all. I apply my favourite Herbivore Night Treatment which is purple in colour, and as I rub it in it goes down behind my nails and makes me cringe. I finish off by washing my hands and running a cotton bud behind my nails for the next 10 mins – the jellies have made me even more OTT about hand washing, as you can see anything and everything that gathers behind them (London pollution vom).
8.30am: Spend ages this morning deliberating my ring choice. I usually wear quite a lot of hand jewellery but as my nails are saying so much now, I'm fretting over how many rings I can pull off! I decide on a standard four and be done with it.
9.30am: At work I speak to quite a few colleagues who are really interested in how the jelly nails are going. People also love to touch them. I explain that I have become more aware of food/moisturiser/gross things getting underneath them.
I am however really enjoying how the jellies look, although they keep making me hungry as they look like gorgey little sweets...
4pm: Meeting at work and I attempt to draw a picture with a pencil (I’m a visual person, okay) before remembering writing/drawing is not an easy task. Put the pencil down and give up on that potential masterpiece.
6pm: Walk home a bit buzzy after a few birthday wines at work and take a trip to my local Tesco for some dinner. The woman behind the counter is in awe of my lilac jellies and we spend a good eight minutes talking about them. She is sold on the colour and transparent look and thanks me for bringing them into her life – she doesn’t have Instagram and hasn’t seen them before. You're welcome hun!
11pm: Still not over being able to see anything that’s collected behind my nails so spend 20 mins excessively cleaning them with a toothpick before going to sleep. Yep, I now carry toothpicks around exclusively for my nails.
8.30am: I'm now really enjoying the look of my nails and realise this morning that all week I have been subconsciously dressing with them in mind. Today I’ve gone for a little accent of pink with a cute pair of socks peeking out of the top of my boots. Who am I? So chic, if I say so myself!
11am: Uh oh! Nail injury! I wish someone had told me not to try and stop a heavy glass door from shutting using only my index finger. A stub to the finger which has me worried that I may lose my actual nail.
12pm: Index finger throbbing intensely.
2pm: Still intense throbbing.
3pm: I’ll stop saying throbbing now.
8.30pm: A barmaid is obsessed. And I am v drunk. This results in a 20 min chat all about the nails (and my life). She was done after 18 mins but I am now that person.
4.30pm: Go to get my nails off. It takes a good hour to remove them completely. I sit for around 40 mins with my hands submerged in pure acetone: the nails pretty much dissolve in front of me. This is followed by an industrial amount of nail buffing, filing and cuticle oil.
5.45pm: My walk home is strange. I feel less gorgey now to be honest. I MISS MY LILAC JELLIES!