Fantasy is a healthy part of any sex life, but because of how we grow up learning about fantasy and fetish they can often feel like something dirty, that needs to be hidden.
As long as the sex you're having or want to be having doesn't harm anyone else, there's nothing wrong with fantasy or fetishes like bondage, voyeurism, or role play. In fact, they're pretty common.
A new survey of 400 people from mobile dating app, Doppler, shared with Refinery29, shows just how common they are. When the app asked 241 women and 159 men about their most common sexual fantasies or fetishes, they found that plenty of us have the same desires.
The most common fantasies were having sex with multiple people (which 17.6% reported daydreaming about) and sex with a famous person (16.5%). Split by gender, however, these fantasies differ a bit. About 38% of the men who answered the survey said that they fantasized about having sex with multiple people at the same time, while only about 8% of women said the same. But the answers were similar for having sex with a famous person (about 14% of women said they dreamed of this, and about 12% of men).
On top of those two fantasies, though, others were also common. About 14% were interested in role play, 7.7% responded that they like S&M and bondage, 6.6% fantasized about and extramarital affair, and about 3% were turned on by the idea of public sex.
The study didn't specify if participants were able to choose more than just a "male" or "female" option for their gender, however, nor did it ask about sexual orientation. These metrics could have skewed the data's understanding of sexual fantasy, especially since it claims that about 4% of people have fantasies about having a "same-sex encounter."
While having sex with someone of the same gender absolutely can be and is a fantasy for some people, as a queer woman I can tell you that same-sex encounters aren't always fantasy — for some of us, they're just life.
Still, these research does give us a glimpse into the sexual fantasies of our peers, and hopefully helps some people feel less alone.
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